[LEMMING LEADER]
We lemmings have been through several computer games' worth of toil. We've encountered odd worlds, some made of earth, and some made of brick. We had to work together, and occasionally we lost a few of our brethren to water, explosions, traps, or to realms that even our mystical guide in life, known to you as the cursor, could not reach. After 600 levels of this crap (559 if you don't count the repeated levels with different skill assignments in the original game), we eventually found our promised land, where we would be at peace, be it in deserts, forests, or even the snowy wilderness. Little did we know, we had... and I say this with air quotes... fans...
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[WEASELS IN UNISON]
Lemmings on our movies, lemmings on our films
Lemmings on adventures in many unknown realms
Lemmings enter level, lemmings go to exit
Lemming is skillful when their cursor directs it
Lemmings bash through towers, lemmings safely float
Weasels press fast forward on our remote
Lemmings fall in water, lemmings caught in trap
Weasels in the theater all laugh, cheer, and clap
Lemmings fall off screen, lemmings all go splat,
Lemmings get blown up and particles all scat
Weasels finish film, still not comically relieved
Weasels have their own ideas for traps up their sleeve
Weasels have the tools, but victims we have none
Time to grab some lemmings and have our own fun!
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[LEMMING LEADER]
We lemmings lived peaceably and had no worries, until...

We were captured...
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(instrumental section of weasels loading the lemmings onto their trucks)
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[LEMMING LEADER]
The job of a lemming is thankless
For no reason, they want to prank us
We're left to ponder our fate
From inside a dark, dreary crate

[LEMMINGS IN UNISON]
Where are we going? Where are we going?
Where are we going? Where are we going?

[LEMMING LEADER]
Like slaves, we are packed in airtight
Misfortune is in our foresight
Another adventure ahead
Could force more random brethren dead

[LEMMINGS IN UNISON]
Where are we going? Where are we going?
Where are we going? Where are we going?

[LEMMING LEADER]
Wondering what our captors want
But not even those near the front
Can hear through two sound barriers
Could our lives be any scarier?

[LEMMINGS IN UNISON]
Where are we going? Where are we going?
Where are we going? Where are we going?
Where are we going? Where are we going?
Where are we going? (etc...)
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[WEASELS IN UNISON]
Let us weasels get to work! Let us weasels get to work!
Let us weasels get to work! Let us weasels get to work! (fade in)

[WEASEL LEADER]
Nature's traps are way too bland
Lots of towers, we will stand
With confusing obstacles
Leave their confidence fickle
Teleports throw them around
Pads that flip them upside down
By the lemmings we can't be shirked
Let us weasels get to work!

[WEASELS IN UNISON]
Let us weasels get to work! Let us weasels get to work!
Let us weasels get to work! Let us weasels get to work!
Let us weasels get to work! (etc...)
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(instrumental section of weasels constructing the towers)
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[WEASEL LEADER]
We have the box in its space
We have the traps carefully placed
But we can't motivate them to move about
Until we offer up a way out
Place their exit balloons, give them a false sense of hope
Then lure them the wrong direction, put them at the end of their rope
Open the box! Cue the lemmings' "Let's Go!"
And have them fall victim to our innovation!
Ladies and gentlemen, weasels of all ages, our own feature presentation!
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[LEMMING LEADER]
Pressing forward, on we drone
In what's almost a war zone
Forced to have some casualties
While percieved a novelty
But we have nothing with which to fight
Still we venture through in spite
Forecasting calamity
That gives our captors ecstasy

[LEMMINGS IN UNISON]
Oh, Great Green Cursor on the screen
Save us from their wicked schemes
On our own, we can't but wander
Leaving just our fates to ponder
Left to die if we just walk
Won't you watch us like a hawk?
Be our source of extra skills
So we can climb, dig, or build

[CURSOR]
My dear lemmings, try as I might
Skills I can give you are finite
As well as my given minutes
I'm not God, I have my limits
Even though this sounds so daft
Weasels are pros at their craft
But don't wander in disdain
I'll beat them at their own game
No, I cannot get you all
But, I'll slow down to a crawl
Their excitement, just you watch
Though they step things up a notch
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(This section starts with lemmings going "Yippee," and the weasels getting increasingly angrier)

[WEASELS IN UNISON]
Simple falls and water aren't enough
Time to throw in unpredicted stuff
Traps that change their pace upon a switch
For further wacky oddities we itch

Floors that are unstable
Water tanks that drain
Spinning spiky logs
And weasels in the game!

Birds and crabs that sit there, for that matter
That when lemmings run into them, they shatter
We don't why it works, but we love it
So, tell your great green cursor thing to shove it!

We're gonna have some fun
And make your life disheveled
Laughing at your pain
While in our work, we revel
Up to the final level
Up to the final level
Up to the final level
Up to the final level
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[LEMMINGS IN UNISON]
Walls are in the way
Endless pits are, too
Oh, Dear Great Green Cursor
What wouldst thou have us do?

[CURSOR]
First one of you out
I'll appoint the scout
To bash, mine, and build
That your quest may be fulfilled

[WEASELS]
There's too many switches
And water tanks ahead
It's too much for their cursor
They're sure to wind up dead

[CURSOR]
Pause the game to plan

(silence)

I've got the right commands
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[LEMMINGS IN UNISON]
Marching to our freedom, weasels' minds will be thrown
March to the balloon that will return us home
March out of this madness through the final frontier
And hope another game is not released for a few years

[WEASELS IN UNISON]
We curse the cursor, spurting that it hurt us in the worst
They pervert our perfect works and have our smirks reversed
All we made maliciously placed far and nigh
Because it's fun to watch the lemmings PAINFULLY DIE!!!!!
PAINFULLY DIE!!!!! PAINFULLY DIE!!!!! PAINFULLY DIE!!!!!
PAINFULLY DIE!!!!! PAINFULLY DIE!!!!! (etc...)

The "PAINFULLY DIE!!!!!" repeats, but fades out, as lemmings entering their balloon continually shout "YIPPEE!!!" until...

[WEASEL LEADER]
STOP CELEBRATING EACH OF YOU HOPPING IN YOUR BALLOON WITH A YIPPEEEEEEE...
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[LEMMINGS IN UNISON]
For those who were spiked, or forced to go splat,
Or those who took a water, acid, or lava bath
For those who contributed to the joy the weasels amassed,
We mourn for our brethren who have unfortunately passed