And as the mighty warrior stands atop the tallest skyscraper through the fiercest storm, wielding his mighty sword of metal, he stands as a reminder to friend and foe alike of why you do not, under any circumstances, wield something metal in a storm.

Hey you, beautiful child, show me that smile You seem upset you're here today Those machines there, they rattle and whirr, But please believe me when I say I know you're scared, I promise, I swear We're fully trained professionals No one ever dies here, don't fear for your safety The screaming is from the cartoon on the TV This way, this way, right through that doorway I know there's a lot I'm putting on your plate Don't mind her, she's been like that lately Just an overactive crybaby Big chair, big chair, lie in the big chair Let's take a look if all your teeth are there The big machines should not come in handy Long as your teeth are unspoiled by candy D-E-N-T-I-S-T, I'm your friend, there's no need to fear me D-E-N-T-I-S-T, I'm your friend, there's no need to fear me Hey you, I've not seen before, you look 54 And you're new to this whole dentist thing While we set you up, you cling to the hope You only need some fillings Uh oh, gingivitis is prevailing, he's ailing Time for planing and some scaling Why does no one listen when told they should visit? It's not fear I'll tell you you've screwed yourself, is it? Finally, finally, you came to me smartly Instead of throwin' your teeth a pity party Should have come since you were a young kid Bill's still high for your teeth, yes, all six Good grief, good grief, I wanna bring you relief Getting you here was just like pulling teeth Don't you stress or pull yourself hairless We just fired the chick that was careless D-E-N-T-I-S-T, I'm your friend, there's no need to fear me D-E-N-T-I-S-T, I'm your friend, there's no need to fear me

I'm a crazy madman that likes to blow up cars, I get joy out of watching car parts fly. I only want to laugh and tell you you won't get far, But I'm careful 'cause I want no one to die. I put a lighter to an engine just to watch it blow, And on the road a wiper blade will lie. There's a tire flying through a nearby bank window And a steering wheel in the sky.

My special cat Fluffy just recently passed on I know she lived for 20 years, but I can't stand that she's gone I've loved that cat so much since I was a kid She needs to be brought back to life before I flip my lid It could be worse At least it was old age that brought her end And not the tire of a car driven by your best friend And you'll have other companions Take this time to appreciate The things that make this life so great You don't always have to be mad If you focus on the good, and not just the bad BUT THAT WAS MY FLUFFY!!!! I don't know why, but I feel so much isolation I may have made plans with friends, then gave last minute cancellations Followed up with lies that were all see-through and flawed But I wish those friends would still occasionally call It could be worse At least you have a roof over your head Complete with sturdy structure and a comfy bed Your landlord still likes you Take this time to appreciate The things that make this life so great You don't always have to be mad If you focus on the good, and not just the bad BUT LONELINESS!!!! I tried to be thankful for the friends by my side I caused them frustration and they all said goodbye I tried to be thankful for a comfortable home But it burned down, now I live in my car on the side of the road It could be worse At least you have the chance to make it better You still have your life, so pull yourself together You're not dead yet Take this time to appreciate The things that make this life so great... AAHH!! *plop* I suddenly up and died from a heart attack Before I had the chance to get my life back on track Now I'm in Hell because I chose the wrong religion So many invisible beings, how do you make a decision? -It could be worse -No it can't, I'm burning in Hell! -It could be worse -I'm spending eternity on fire! -My floating head could circle you forever, but I'll go away and give you a break from my taunting -That's barely better! But I'm still on fire!

I'm just a lowly guy in a pizza shop Sometimes workin' 13 hours a day nonstop Some days drag, and some days are fun And it's not too hard to get the job done. Taking people's orders is usually fine Except when stupid people make me lose my mind Open your ears, and use your brain, please I asked for your name, which isn't "pizza with cheese!" You know what you want, you called our store on the phone But you realize you accidentally called the wrong one I get it, mistakes happen, but are you kiddin'? No, we don't have the number to our competition! I understand, we're human and we do dumb stuff But there really is a point where enough is enough The frustration at your incompetence is drivin' me wild And yet my job requires me to just stand there and smile! You need a smack in the head with a 2 by 4 You annoy me every time you come back for more I think I deserve double the wages I earn The stupid, it burns! Different places do pizzas different ways, I know Like having pepperonis that are ready to go But you customized your order 50 different ways Why the heck are you complaining we don't have it pre-made? You called our shop's number by a lucky guess And asked if we were located in the U.S. You're ordering for a friend, that's fine, but they should probably Have a local friend order, not someone in Zimbabwe Taking your order makes my brain a mess The answer to "What would you like?" isn't "Yes!" The fact that you're an adult is painfully dreadful You asked me the difference between a foil dish and bread bowl We all say dumb things, but often it seems That customers take them to the extreme After what you put me through, I'm absolutely furious My job makes me treat you as if you're serious! You need a smack in the head with a 2 by 4 You annoy me every time you come back for more I think I deserve double the wages I earn The stupid, it burns! You need a lesson in Common Sense 101 Though you'd probably waste it staring off towards the sun The gears in your head are failing to turn The stupid, it burns! Though you kindly refer to me as your favorite earthling I dream of the javelins I'd love to be hurtling You changed your order thrice over seven calls While whining other places act like they don't like you at all But yet, I'm always polite and treating you well Despite you putting me through several realms of Hell Professionalism is a painful conundrum Just let me throw a few fits and some tantrums! Am I the only sane soul around? I'm in great need of Tylenol right now! When my shift's over, I can let it all out! 'Cause you just made my brain hurt! You need a smack in the head with a 2 by 4 You annoy me every time you come back for more I think I deserve double the wages I earn The stupid, it burns! You need a lesson in Common Sense 101 Though you'd probably waste it staring off towards the sun The gears in your head are failing to turn The stupid, it burns! You know what? Screw being professional to customers that annoy me! I'm applying for a customer service job at Time Warner Cable!

Your kid takes a crayon and draws on the door He takes a couple eggs and he drops them on the floor He hits his sister in the head by throwing a tennis ball Time to face the corner of two adjacent walls. It's justice against the unruly. We punish behavior upon which we frown. Those of defiance are put in their place By people in charge laying the hammer down. Teaching things that go over students' heads They're too engulfed in their Smartphones instead. Maybe they'll learn to pay more attention When the teacher takes their phones during post-school detention. It's justice against the unruly. We punish behavior upon which we frown. Those of defiance are put in their place By people in charge laying the hammer down. Laying the hammer down. Laying the hammer down. College students only made it to be sophomores Before their papers were caught without crediting a source. Kicked out of college because they plagiarized. Back to a life of serving burgers and fries. It's justice against the unruly. We punish behavior upon which we frown. Those of defiance are put in their place By people in charge laying the hammer down. Laying the hammer down.

Uh, yeah, uh! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen All you cat lovin' boys and girls Eager to obtain a feline companion Into your personal world If you think it's just freelance snuggles And keeping food and water in their bowl I'm here to explain how much your life'll change Under pussycat control! (Are you ready?) Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Our story begins in a household A little girl beggin' for a pet So cute and cuddly, in blankets all snuggly This was her vision for what she would get From her dream kitty companion And buy a cat, her parents did No worries about the havoc to be wrought After all, she was just a kid The responsibility was her parents' And though they fed the cat her meal They'd all be sittin' at the dinner table Daddy's roast beef, she would steal But, since it didn't happen to the little girl Out her mouth laughter did flow She won't be laughing when she grows up Victim to pussycat control! (Are you ready?) Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Verse 2 Our little girl now an adult At an age of 25 years Wakes up at 5:39 in the morning To a loud meow in her ear She tried to ignore it once, you can tell By the tooth marks in her head Time to feed the cat her specialized recipe, Ain't no goin' back to bed So, time to play on the computer While the cat presumably has breakfast No sooner the desktop is loaded, Then in front of the monitor kitty will rest Not budging when she tries to move her, Can only pet her for a second or fo' Before she swats her away, it's a typical day Under pussycat control! (Are you ready?) Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Breakdown! One day this girl met a curious boy Standing on the street by a stop sign He made the moves to approach her, Only one thing on his mind. She had one thing on her mind too, But it wasn't to get him alone She had so many stories of her feline friend And a thousand seven pictures on her phone He said he could use that companionship And he asked her where's her heart She said it's probably hidden, along with her Bracelet and her old toys in some part Of the house, Whatever kitty calls her secret lair And the stuff she can't steal for herself Is just covered in her hair. The boy said he could de-stress her And he tried to sound so sweet He said, "Let me take over for a while, And I can make your life complete." But this woman, she's self-confident And she made sure to let the boy know She only bows down before one master, That's pussycat control! (Are you ready?) Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! And anyone with a cat in their house knows Their needs go out the window But you'd gladly scrap human hierarchies For pussycat control! (Are you ready?) Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow! Poor deluded cat slave! Ahh, Pussycat control! Meow!

I saw a man get out of his Ferrari I could tell that he was rich. I had on me a measley pair of fives To have a bit more was my wish Now I believe in the Golden Rule, To treat others the way you want them to treat you. I went up to him and gave him half of what I had, Knowing I'd want him to do the same. He asked me why I was doing this, noting my tattered clothes, As he looked at me as if I was insane. I said "I believe in the Golden Rule," Then he smiled at me and said, "Me, too, So what you did for me, I'll do for you." And he gave me the same five dollars. Somehow that didn't work out the way I wanted it to. I was at the cash register working my retail job, When a person and a product caught my eye. Someone grabbed a fifty dollar product off the shelf, And instead of paying, they just ran outside. Now I believe in the Golden Rule, To treat others the way you want them to treat you. If I ever have to rob a retail store, I'm probably broke and have no other way. So I would seek pity and understanding of my plight. That's why I didn't yell at them to pay. I explained that to my boss, Who said that he should call the cops Because I supported robbing shops, But he decided to be nice and only fire me instead. That worked out better than it could have, Still, I don't know why I did that. I was at a park one bright, warm Spring day. I saw a girl, and to myself, I smiled. She was gorgeous, in her 20's, it only took one glance Before my imagination went wild. Now I believe in the Golden Rule, To treat others the way you want them to treat you. I did to her exactly what I wanted to receive My Golden Rule excuse didn't work too well. Instead of understanding, she yelled for the police, Now I'm stuck inside this prison cell. Now what I wanted done to me Is being done by a dude who's 8 foot 3 Because the Golden Rule, he too believes, And now I know how she felt. I'm now convinced the Golden Rule is utter crap!

This Kit Kat doesn't have a dash in its name Where a dash should lie Since when did Froot Loops have two o's in froot? I miss u-i Actually, Kit Kat has never had a dash in its name, and Froot Loops has always been spelled with two o's. You have fallen victim to the Mandela effect, in which a large majority of people can remember the same thing, yet remember it wrong. It was named after Nelson Mandela, whom many people claim they distinctly remember dying in prison in the 80's, even though he actually died in 2013. Other examples include how people mistakenly think the Monopoly Man has a monocle when he doesn't, or that the famous "Mirror, mirror on the wall" line from Snow White is actually "Magic Mirror on the Wall." Memory, I have quite a good memory This is not how it should be Things were different, I swear In my childhood, I know their name did not have an "a" They were called the "Berenstein" Bears. Everything I've known is wrong, That seems to be what they say I share my beliefs with millions of peeps How dare you give the naysay? Memory, I now question my memory What have you just done to me? Flipped around all my views Memorobilia, I have some that spells things as I've known, Or a typo. Oh, what's the use?

My coworker didn't come to work and didn't call Now I'm stuck working late! That's homosexual! Our plane got completely lost and somehow it flew us To the wrong state! That's homosexual! If you think it all sounds stupid, The things you're hearing me say, This is how you sound when you refer to these things as gay! The contents of my Ziploc bag broke through the bottom Now I gotta clean the floor! That's homosexual! Somehow they sold out of my favorite flavor ice cream At the local grocery store! That's homosexual! If you think it all sounds stupid, The things you're hearing me say, This is how you sound when you refer to these things as gay! Dude, your word choice is so homosexual! The doctor at the hospital screwed up your surgery Then before you had a chance to sue for liability He retired from his job and now he got away scot-free While your lungs are both deformed and only one eye can see! Now that is beyond homosexual, my friend! That is straight up faggot! See? This is how stupid you sound!

People see me on the street with a chain around my neck made of glued together strips of yellow construction paper, and a Smart Phone showing an image of a dolla' sign! Yeah, they call me a tool, but they don't even know... I'm a Bitcoin Pimp, a Bitcoin Pimp, In a virtual system I've risen to the top I'm a Bitcoin Pimp, a Bitcoin Pimp, Tell the common dollar users I'll never be stopped! Let me tell you how I made it big in this scene From the time I was born, until I was eighteen My parents saved some money and invested in me So that I could go to college and get a degree But once they gave me access to the account That's when I rebelled and went my own route I put it all in Bitcoin when it was brand new And now look at how much my investment grew I started when the site was at its beginning Now its value's increasing, and I'm constantly gaining But while it's still in cult status, real life's a slump I live in a trailer that looks like a dump I'm servin' burgers for minimal pay And gettin' by on the food I can afford each day My life didn't quite go as I planned, But on the internet my status still stands... I'm a Bitcoin Pimp, a Bitcoin Pimp, In a virtual system I've risen to the top I'm a Bitcoin Pimp, a Bitcoin Pimp, And my account number can never be stopped I can get illegal drugs from the highest of high And multiple girlies to be by my side As long as they exchange within the system It's easier than breathing for me to get wit' em I got game, and I ain't afraid to spit it I can get 'em what they want, I mean within limits Independently sold hand-crafted dresses are winners It's just such a shame I can't treat 'em to dinner My crib looks like a tornado came its way But it's their preferred currency with which I can pay So even in a dumpy life, I still keep 'em all pleased Now roll out the keg of macaroni and cheese I made some dumb life choices, but they worked out somehow I got most of what I want and that's good enough for now But I can't wait for the day the US dollar is gone And to Bitcoin the rest of the world catches on I'll be an actual pimp, an actual pimp On a gold throne with my girlies eatin' lamb, steak, and shrimp I'll be an actual pimp, an actual pimp, But until that day I'll settle as a Bitcoin Pimp! [Robber]: Yo, gimme all your money! [Me]: Um, okay, um... let's see... not that pocket... Um, ah, that pocket, yes, I've got, um... 57 cents. [Robber]: Is that all? [Me]: Uh, I got a password protected Smart Phone. [Robber]: Man, you ain't even worth my time, I'm outta here! Highway robbers don't even know... I'm a Bitcoin Pimp, a Bitcoin Pimp, I got nothing to lose that a robber can take I'm a Bitcoin Pimp, a Bitcoin Pimp, Got my riches in a system that's foolproof and safe I'm a Bitcoin Pimp, a Bitcoin Pimp

The snow is melting into the ground The grass shows itself to be green The bleakness and coldness of winter are gone Warmth fills the air again Birds have departed from where they were Returning to our hemisphere Singing their songs of nature and glory Flowers open up to hear Beautiful presence awakened Everything coming alive Working together in harmony Actively pleasing our eyes! Garden of Beauty! Plant life abounds in multiple ways Coloring the fields with flair Bees pollinate them and keep them alive Butterflies decorate the air Cicadas sound off their enchanting chorus Creating natural ambience Cooped up all winter, the children now come out To play and laugh and dance Beautiful presence awakened Prominently shining in full Sunlight gleams in your heart Radiant smiles in your soul No more monotonous white No more shivering inside No more redness of cheeks It's time to come alive!

Baby, you make me feel like a piece of crap I called you beautiful, why you gotta be like that? I bought you flowers and lots of candy too How am I creepy after all that I have spent on you? Baby, when I look into your gorgeous eyes, I get such happy thoughts like kitty cats and apple pies The lovely lady with the hair across her face Wants me put in my place... But I just can't leave you alone, no more friendzone Convinced inside I must make you mine, 'Cause baby you're an artwork, Why must you treat me like a jerk? You make my heart go oh, oh, oh, Why must you leave it by the road? Baby you're an artwork, Rubbing my face in the dirt, You give a striking blow, Like it's a stage comedy show. Baby, I realize we're not at all the same I'm insecure, and you're a self-empowered solo dame Maybe if I look desperate convincingly, You'll see my puppy eyes and take a little pity You like to go out and explore about the town The hobbies I prefer are at home while I sit around, But baby, I can learn to love the things I hate, Just to get a date... 'Cause I just can't leave you alone, no more friendzone Convinced inside I must make you mine, 'Cause baby you're an artwork, Why must you treat me like a jerk? You make my heart go oh, oh, oh, Why must you leave it by the road? Baby you're an artwork, Rubbing my face in the dirt, You give a striking blow, Like it's a stage comedy show. Boo hoo hoo, is all I seem to say to you My intents are pure and true I just need some love from you. 'Cause baby you're an artwork, Why must you treat me like a jerk? You make my heart go oh, oh, oh, Why must you leave it by the road? Baby you're an artwork, Rubbing my face in the dirt, You give a striking blow, Like it's a stage comedy show. Now I see, the point's been finally made to me So now I'm begging please, Don't report to the police.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me (Aaahhhhh) Look all around you, there are people in power And people with lots of wealth And most of them constantly telling themselves They're better than everyone else You think you're God just because you have Mass influence on a global scale You don't understand how big our universe is And in comparison, you pale I would just like to take you aside and Say it to your face Explain to you the size of the universe It just might put you in your place I wish I could just instill in you The truth, even though it hurts I invite you to consider your worth In line with the universe You are just one person In a world of seven billion On Earth, one world alone Out of eight orbiting the sun If Earth was the size of a flea The sun would be a softball proportionally Stars exist big enough inside To fit the sun five hundred million times All part of one galaxy in space Out of billions upon which our eyes will never gaze And if there's life out there, think about the list Of beings there are who don't even know that you exist They don't know that you exist No one out there knows that you exist But of those many galaxies so far out of view Of all existing life forms, only one can be you You can make your own art, draw a picture or write a tune And no one in all the universe can live the life you do You've got friends and family who need you in their life And you can make them happy, they'll be there 'till the day you die Don't worry about how small you are compared to the universe Remember that you're important, just don't use it to be a jerk

It's time for me to move on. The girl I once loved is gone. But what do I care? Nothing came out of it! It's all in my head, I'll forget all of it. She never felt the same way about me I guess it just never was meant to be Kind of sucks, but that's how life is sometimes I'll move on, everything will turn out fine My time of sadness now ends If I don't see her again There's nothing for me to miss I'll just forget she exists "Coming up next is the latest hit single from the hot new pop star..." "Have you heard that new song that's out?" "Yeah, I haven't been able to get it out of my head, it's so catchy!" "I haven't heard it yet!" "Really, it's been playing on the radio EVERYWHERE!" "Crank the radio up, it's the new jam!" "Aw yeah, that's what's up!" "Hey, have you heard that new song?" "Yeah, everyone's been going crazy over that new pop singer..." I hear your name everywhere! Inescapable as the air that I breathe Difference is, without air, I'd be dead But your name belongs out of my head; please leave You're now all over the radio On TV, and music videos And the endless pain is driving me mad Every time I see your name on a billboard ad And all I can think about is how to defame you For forgetting your presence is how I could survive I'm the only one who understands my pain Everyone else may think I'm whiny, But don't you think it would drive you insane? Hearing the source that caused you such hurt Constantly talked about everywhere you go Like someone hammering a pen up your nose Until it gets lodged in your brain Now you pray for a lobotomy, That's the only way you can get your enemy out of your brain How do you bring down Someone who's held in such high regard? Someone the world has on a pedestal? I could wait for her to do something wrong, Call her out, and make her worth miniscule! Or, if I don't feel like waiting, I can use the media, and make up scandals about her! Is this the place I go to? For my new job interview? Welcome to "I Swear it's True" Magazine! My credentials, you ask? Well, one time in high school, I convinced my brother His girlfriend was having an affair with our sister, Is that enough to tell you I'm up to the task? And there's one celebrity on whom I've got my eye, And I'm prayin' you tell me that for this job I qualify! I mean, I never actually studied journalism! I have a job as a gossip journalist, Now maybe I can get some dirt on her! You're telling me what? I can just make it all up? It's what all of you do too? I thought for an official magazine there would be certain rules. But yes, I can write fiction, Make up my own stuff just like in high school! Yes, everyone knows she has a boyfriend, But only I know about her secret affair. A special lovely night with Channing Tatum, Sorry, man, had to throw some guy's name in there. Front page headline: Shocking new ultrasound revealed! Looks like a deformed monkey, From what doctor's notes we can quote unquote steal! Boyfriend finds out, angry fight ensues Knife fight, gunshots, almost deadly feud Alcohol addictions, cocaine addictions, Sleeping with a furry because inanimate teddy bears don't cut it anymore! And people will believe it all, because we're an official magazine! I can't wait for this to all kill her career I can forget her existence once she's off the pop scene Because no one wants to support someone whose life is this screwed up! Hey dude, I don't know your plan But I know the truth, and so do my true fans. And your magazine has no credible sources I'm honest 'bout my life, and only speak my mind No one believes all your crap rumor tabloids You companies don't even have your articles' facts all aligned. And my boyfriend isn't gonna start a fight with me Just because some guy I don't know wrote some make-believe The only people that believe what you say Aren't really fans of my music anyway They'd be quick to call you out if it was someone that they loved But if someone doesn't matter to them, let's read about their muck. One source says I've got eleven side guys, another says I have three. One source says I'm five months pregnant, another says I'm baby free. One source says I've gone to rehab, another says I'm proud of my addiction. One source says I'm getting plastic surgery, another says it's a liposuction And with so many conflicting stories, Readers are wondering what's the truth. But if they followed me on my social media pages, They'd have gotten the truth from me all along. Does anyone else besides us celebrities Realize these people's hypocrisy? There was no benefit to my short term career Didn't get what I wanted; where do I go from here? She is still getting a whole lot of focus Now it's all these rumors that everyone spoke of I wanted her gone, not the talk of the teens Who just won't shut up over the magazines Time to step down, speak out, and say Celebrity gossip's made up anyway! I've proven the truth, now they leave me alone My fans love the real me; together, we've won I'm no longer constantly put on the spot I still have a career with the fans that I've got I one was a prime dirt spreader But now I'm just an arrogant prick With a skull as thick as a brick In a career that only thrives On stupid people believing lies And not respecting people's privacy and humanity But now what I said was proven untrue They've all moved on to someone new I don't hear her name anymore, I guess I've won! Back to my respectable construction job! Now I can finally move on That name, from my head, is gone And gossip's just hurtful and wrong Now can we please just move on?

It's Christmas time again The family's all here The kids all wanna know What gifts they got this year I open up my box My heart begins to race A Pac-man statuette I look up at the face of shock and awe Upon my mom-in-law Who gave it to my aunt And now it's in my hands What to do? What to say? Someone thinks it's a throwaway Should I smile and give my thanks? Or should I take offense? The gift's okay, until it's known It was basically disowned Nice to know you thought of me, But with crap that's been regifted! This thing you gave to me, What is this crap I hold? A badly painted coin It's not even real gold! And that engraved on face Is just your roommate Ty I guess I'll give it to That relative that I don't see a lot. I could give his gift thought... Nah, screw him anyway He'll get this thing I hate! What I've got, I don't need I won't use dandelion seeds I'll give it to the jerk next door His ugly garden could use some more My regrets, cousin Gus But that sweater is hideous Orange spots on purple stripes You can count this gift regifted I'm 29, I'm not 5 So this toy will be regifted I have no use for rhubarb juice So I dub your gift regifted That new CD by Nickelback That's obviously regifted This fruitcake's made the rounds for years How long can it be regifted? Year-old meat you couldn't eat Why the crap would you regift that?