Down on my luck tryin' to find a date Nobody's interested, that's okay, I can Get a custom cardboard cutout made Just gotta find that girl, Yes, I think you will do Takin', takin', takin', takin' a full body picture Placin', placin', placin', placin' an online order Waitin', waitin', waitin', hey look! Here she comes now! UPS has just made my day! I am happy! I am happy! I am happy! Babe I know you're goin' my way! I am happy! I am happy! I am happy! I got my cardboard love! (Love) I got my cardboard love! (Love) Now I won't face rejection again Takin' her everywhere, Talkin' to her as If she was a real human being Maybe I've lost my mind, but I still got my touch Come on, come on, come on, come on, dance with me Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, cuddle with me One look, one look, one look, one look Into your eyes I know you're all I need in my life! I am happy! I am happy! I am happy! Will the courts let you be my wife? Is it legal? Does it matter? Who needs papers? I got my cardboard love! (Love) I got my cardboard love! (Love) Don't need your opinions Just leave me be with my cardboard love Mind your own business I hurt no one with my cardboard love Oh yeah, oh yeah I got my cardboard love! (Love) I got my cardboard love! (Love) I got my cardboard love! (Love) I got my cardboard love! (Love)

It's Friday night, all the clubs are rockin' That's where all the fun begins In your head the music is moving through your veins But sadly, you work weekends Or whatever your excuse, you just can't be bothered To bring a single muscle to move There's a brand new dance today So you can mentally groove Sloth dance, sloth dance, come on do the sloth dance Do less work than your 15 year old pet cats See all the kids move their bodies and get into it Then sit down on your butt and do the opposite Now is the time to show your apathy To those dancing how they want They get told to go crazy like they just don't care, Well truthfully, you also don't So remember, if you happen to wake up With a case of "I don't wanna," This quote unquote dance was made for you So now, you don't gotta Sloth dance, sloth dance, come on do the sloth dance Do less work than your 15 year old pet cats See all the kids move their bodies and get into it Then sit down on your butt and do the opposite Now, I want us to slowly and reluctantly raise one hand. Preferrably your dominant hand so it's less work! Very slowly, now, we're going to take only our pointer finger and extend it. You've seen this before, it's the single finger spin of feigned enthusiasm! Now when I give the count to three, we will spin our extended pointer fingers in small circles pretending we actually give a care when the tone in our voices clearly implicates otherwise! Ready now, one, two, three... Single finger spin! Single finger spin! Single finger spin! Yaaaayyyy... Single finger spin! Single finger spin! Single finger spin! Yaaaayyyy... Now whine about your workload (Awww...) Whine about your workload (Awww...) Now you can relax your arm. It can be a quick drop, gravity's doing all the work here so you can continue to be lazy. Now, we're gonna bring the chorus back and I want you all to continue in the state you've been in this whole time! This so- called dance is all about being at rest and being the epitome of Newton's first law! I'm not even gonna have the beat do some sort of build up back to the chorus, that's too much work! I'm just gonna let it come back in so we can wrap this thing up and have even less to worry about! Ready, one, two, three Sloth dance, sloth dance, come on do the sloth dance Do as much work as someone abusing food stamps And when you're done making yourself become brain dead Steer your remote controlled recliner back to your bed Sloth dance, sloth dance, come on do the sloth dance Do less work than your 15 year old pet cats See all the kids move their bodies and get into it Then sit down on your butt and do the opposite Sloth dance, sloth dance, come on do the sloth dance Do as much work as someone abusing food stamps And when you're done making yourself become brain dead Steer your remote controlled recliner back to your bed

Stand against a gang Guns are locked and loaded up They're prepared to fight I don't have a gun Nothing to defend myself No escape in sight Need a different plan Something to put them at ease Before trouble starts Charitable deed Show them there's a better way That should reach their hearts I'm bringing love to a gun fight No need to be unnecessarily bitter Be kind to your attackers in the face of danger That will make them reconsider I'll explain to them The benefits of kindness With my on hand breath Share my wholesome ways That will make them realize there's More to life than death Buy them each a drink Treat them all to a buffet Eat what they can get Say it's out of love Show no signs I fear my life Not breaking a sweat I'm bringing love to a gun fight No need to be unnecessarily bitter Be kind to your attackers in the face of danger That will make them reconsider I'm bringing love to a gun fight I believe it's the right thing to do When they see what I'm doing they'll lower their guns Because the power of love will shine through I'm bringing love to a gun fight In the end, that's all we really need And when we all realize what our hearts truly crave Then from our violent ways we'll be freed Because in the end, love will triumph over all *BANG* Okay, that didn't quite go as planned

At the doctor's office once again For my annual routine checkup I wait patiently Get it? Patient-ly? I get sent back before too long Nurse on duty got it goin' on She's waiting on me She's waiting on me I thought I'd be bored today, I guess this could be okay! Came in in a normal state But now my pulse feels like it's gone to 128 So come on, come on, come on Take my physical Tryin' to keep my nerves intact That stethoscope feels good goin' down my back So come on, come on, come on Take my physical Look into my eyes with that little light Look very deeply in my eyes What do you see? What do you see? I typically don't care for these exams But for yours I think I can Lost in my mind I'll come more frequently if you're the one checking me! I'll come down with something pretend Just for an excuse to come see you again So come on, come on, come on Take my physical Being well was once a sure bet But I'm sure you can find something wrong with me yet So come on, come on, come on Take my physical Doctor, check me up and down, come on Baby, feel me where you need to, come on Just be sure you're thorough Takin' my physical Touch me, you know that I like it, just claim That you're searching for abnormal lumps, come on Just be sure you're thorough Takin' my physical I might start gettin' sick If I know it's you that'll have me checked So come on, come on, come on Take my physical You treat anything in the slightest I think I got a case of "I-want-you-itis" So come on, come on, come on Take my physical (Physical, physical) Take my physical (Physical, physical) Physical (Physical, physical) Take my physical Come on, phy-phy-phy-physical

Whoa-oh oh oh oh, oh yeah yeah Girl, you got me overcome with such emotion I'd walk a thousand miles without a mask at the bottom of the ocean 'Cause baby, I ain't seen anyone lookin' finer For you, I would climb Mount Everest in a cruise liner And you can't tell me that it can't be done I'll find a way to make it happen 'Cause baby, you're the one I would do the humanly impossible 'Cause winning your heart, baby, is my goal I would use a herring to cut down a tree If that's what it takes to bring your heart to me Whoa whoa-oh oh, oh oh Whoa whoa-oh oh, ooh hoo I would do so many things that physics won't allow Just to prove that I have got to get you now I'd build a fire and make s'mores in outer space If that's what it takes to get you coming to my place I'd learn to hack nature itself with a computer And replace every spider on the Earth with something much, much cuter And you can't tell me that it can't be done I'll find a way to make it happen 'Cause baby, you're the one I would do the humanly impossible Zap your exes all into a vast black hole Make your body turn immune to all disease If that's what it takes to bring your heart to me Whoa whoa-oh oh, oh oh Whoa whoa-oh oh, ooh hoo I would do so many things that physics won't allow Just to prove that I have got to get you now Whoa oh, oh oh Whoa oh, oh oh Whoa oh oh oooohhhh Oh yeah, yeah I'd kill a minotaur with a cotton ball Move a submarine through the snow To prove my worth to you, girl, tell me How far must I go? I would do the humanly impossible Turn your headaches into something pleasurable Grow five extra arms to hold your accessories Every time you wanna go shopping with me Whoa whoa-oh oh, oh oh Whoa whoa-oh oh, ooh hoo I would do so many things that physics won't allow Just to prove that I have got to get you now I would do so many things that physics won't allow Just to prove that I have got to get you now

You could've told me I was ugly and dumb You could've gone around spreading lies to everyone Telling them I'm a bully and I only mean harm They would listen to you 'cause you got that womanly charm You could've punched me in the face Left me for dead in an undisclosed place You could've stolen my song and taken the credit And called me a whore on Tumblr and Reddit You could've robbed my house of all I had Then filled every room with poisonous gas You could've said I was the enemy And had the King of France declare war on me But no, you chose to friendzone me And I accept that so graciously I'm fine without you going out with me 'Cause what if you chose to date me anyway Knowing you have zero intention to stay You'd get me excited for a lifetime of fun Not knowing 'bout the heartache that's yet to come I'd be enjoying the time that we spent But wondering why your excitement's 60 percent Then we reach the day you decide the joke's through And finally you decide to lay down the truth You'd tell me it's funny to put me in my place By making seven years of my life a total waste It's a good thing you wouldn't treat me that bad Putting that in perspective, I guess I'm glad That yes, you chose to friendzone me And I accept that so graciously Of all the ways I could be hurt Suddenly friendzoning's not the worst So many guys in the friendzone Being whiny, angry, and miffed But the friendzone is acknowledgement That I at least exist So the next time a cop writes you a ticket For crashing into a tree Just say "I wouldn't be financially screwed If he just friendzoned me!"

Alarm clock, the sound of my nightmare I wish I didn't have to care Bloodshot red eyes and empty stare At any random wall Roll over and fall out of bed The groans I make show I'm braindead Five whole days of this crap ahead Why is my life so dull? It's a Monday, Week has just begun day, Down in the doldrums day, No motivation day It's a slow day Can't make myself go day Wish I could say "No way, Not taking this today." It's a Monday. Blech. It's a Monday. Haul me off in a wheelbarrow Screaming "Stop, I don't wanna go!" Drag me all the way up the road Shouting "Bring out your dead!" I'd feel better in surgery Or a haunted cemetary I'm here, but I would rather be Anywhere else instead. It's a Monday, I'm already done day Brain is overrun day, Gotta make it some way. It's not Friday, When they bring doughnuts by day Give us pizza pie day Today is softly cry day. It's a Monday. Blech. It's a Monday. Blech. Another day of being bored, bored. Blech.

I came out to your show You really rocked the crowd We sang along to all your hits And we were screamin' loud I got a backstage pass When I paid for VIP I came to meet you after the show I ran backstage excitedly We have an amazing conversation About our favorite drinks and hobbies, Well in my head, that's how the moment played I'm rehearsing my introduction Until my time to meet you comes And overwhelmed, I only manage to say... Omigosh! It's you! It's you! I can't believe it! I'm actually talking to you! Well, what do I say from here? This was so much easier in my head "I'm not worthy" is a very bad start Now I'm shuffling away as you call out "Next!" Nothing else that I can do Because I couldn't make it past "Omigosh! It's you!" Now I'm back in my car, defeated, dejected, Depressed and hating myself While you're having a meaningful conversation Meeting and greeting someone else Other fans are chatting it up They know how to keep it real I'm having your guys' conversation With my steering wheel I'm talking about my hopes and dreams Then pretending to be you saying yours Since my car doesn't talk, it just makes sound People see me and think I'm crazy But their impression can't be as bad As yours had to be when I couldn't get beyond... Omigosh! It's you! It's you! I can't believe it! I'm actually talking to you! I should've practiced with Alexa To better gauge how you'd react I'd do it now, but there's no use When I find the solution after the fact Nothing else that I can do Because I couldn't make it past "Omigosh! It's you!" I couldn't wait to make this an extra special day I set aside a full ten hours' worth of pay One hundred dollars extra for this backstage pass Only to come back and make myself an Annoying, stuttering fool! Well what do I say from here? I guess that ends this meet and greet session. Just one of many nervous wrecks Who failed to make a good impression Nothing else that I can do All you saw was me losing my cool 'Cause I couldn't make it past "Omigosh! It's you!"

Trash can I have a stinky shoe, it's going in the trash can A coupon expired in the 90's, it's going in the trash can A copy of Troll 2, it's going in the trash can My best friend's cooking... Blech! Even the trash can puked it up Trash can

If my shirt is off, I get told to put it back on wherever I go I'm a blubbery sasquatch, A sweaty, hairy potbelly nobody wants me to show I hear screams of horror From people wishing they were blind like Daredevil Gouging their eyes out Like Tyrell from Blade Runner or Elle from the second Kill Bill And people tell me Dude, go and lose some weight Keep yourself covered until you hit the gym Nobody wants to see flab, We'd rather see bodies that are slim Well, if you have a body image in mind, Get on your laptop, go create some sims Stare at their bodies a while, I don't care I don't look like them I'm in love with the shape I've got Only I need to think I'm hot I'm puttin' shamers in their spot By being proud of my body It's their fault if they get a look, Then turn around and have a puke There's no reason that I need to be rebuked For being proud of my body Oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I I'm in love with my body Oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I I'm in love with my body Oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I I'm in love with my body I'm the only one that needs to think I'm hot And I'm proud of the shape I've got To anyone who tries To belittle anybody whose body doesn't fall in their line Ask yourself if you'd ever dedicate your life To tryin' to please a prick with a narrow mind I've seen arms shaped like chicken drumsticks, I've seen a disproportionate butt or two Some of them may be tryin' to change themselves, But news flash: It ain't to cater to you So haters, We're gonna flaunt our stuff The bodies you lust for, and the ones you can't stand From the hourglass figure To bodies that are shaped like Thailand All our bodies are beautiful If you weigh 160, or 500 with no tan Regardless of what you look like Speak out and take a stand I'm in love with the shape I've got Only I need to think I'm hot I'm putting shamers in their spot By being proud of my body Some people out there need to learn Only my doctor's allowed to discern And if it's not a physical health concern I'll be proud of my body Oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I I'm in love with my body Oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I I'm in love with my body Oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I I'm in love with my body I'm the only one that needs to think I'm hot And I'm proud of the shape I've got Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on Be in love with the shape you've got Only you need to think you're hot It doesn't matter if they say you're not Just be proud of your body Show off your two differently shaped thighs Make everybody open their eyes And shut their mouths as soon as they realize That you're proud of your body Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on (Be in love with your body) Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on (Be in love with your body) Come on, stop the shaming, come on Come on, stop the shaming, come on (Be in love with your body) You're the only one that needs to think you're hot So be proud of the shape you've got

You're just a common citizen Living upon this land So far your life hasn't brought any major Event on a scale that's grand You might not have a business making millions Or vanquish some powerful foe But King Arthur never had Seven green traffic lights in a row Life is all about perspective No princess to rescue, no dragon to slay It's all life's small blessings that make a good day! Celebrate the little things in life! Just 'cause it's not major don't mean that it's nothing Celebrate the little things in life! That unmelted chocolate has gotta count for something Your celebrity crush doesn't know you exist But there's plenty of love from your cat You just got a lawsuit for ten thousand bucks But at least your house has no rats A burglar broke in and stole all your jewelry But he left you a cute plushie llama Your bank account's in the negatives But it now finally has a comma! Life is all about perspective Don't let a tax audit leave you dismayed Count your small blessings, you might have it made! Celebrate the little things in life! Don't dwell on the fact that your home has burned down Celebrate the little things in life! Hug your plush llama, flip over that frown Life is so variable, has both good and bad Just take one tiny good thing, and focus on that You'll never think your life sucks anymore at all! Life is all about perspective If Bobby McFerrin can be happy through litigation A stupid and cheesy song may be all you need too! Celebrate the little things in life! (The little things in life) Just 'cause it's not major don't mean that it's nothing Celebrate the little things in life! (The little things in life) That unmelted chocolate has gotta count for something Celebrate the little things in life! (The little things in life) Don't dwell on the fact that your home has burned down Celebrate the little things in life! (The little things in life) Hug your plush llama, flip over that frown [repeat]

I got my leather jacket and my motorcycle And I'm rip roarin' ready to go Hittin' the highway with my game face on People know I'm the king of the road I've run down many low-lifes in my time I'm a man that doesn't play When they see me comin' they all move aside They know it's best to stay out of my way! And nobody ever messes with me Even though my motorcycle has training wheels It's got a red and orange flame painted on the side And a shiny new set of them training wheels Balance may not be my strong point But I got plenty of strength in my arms So if you laugh at me and my training wheels I'll be sure to bring you much harm! Pow pow! At the bar, I down a few drinks And I'm ready for some fun tonight Idiot in the parking lot laughing at my cycle Guess he's lookin' for a fight Before he even knows what's comin' Suddenly he's on the ground I may have dumb accessories on my cycle But I ain't afraid to throw down! And nobody ever messes with me Even though my motorcycle goes *ring ring* Imagine how embarrassed you'd be losing a fight To a guy whose motorcycle goes *ring ring* My triceps can crush a steel keg So when I'm through destroying your rear You'll be lying, broken, beaten, bleedin' on the ground And this is the last thing you'll hear! *ring ring, ring ring* Pow!!

We're here forever, we're here forever We're here forever, deal with it! In 1994, critics hailed our blue album People loved what we had to play Since that worked so well for us, we're abandoning that sound So many ways to go astray Can't stay consistent Can't stay consistent Leave a one star review We'll still do what we wanna do We can't stay consistent We're here forever, we're here forever We're here forever, deal with it! Half our listeners wonder what we're gonna do next The other half want us to leave Some say every album since Pinkerton sucked Others say that's just Make Believe They can't reach agreement They can't reach agreement Leave polar opposite reviews Then with each other argue While we experiment We're here forever, we're here forever We're here forever, deal with it! We're here forever, we're here forever We're here forever, deal with it! This worked for us, let's try it out, It didn't work for them. Oops. As evolving musicians, even if we fail, we grow Though people think we're a bunch of jokers Just wait for the sound we've planned for our mahogany album Think Mozart meets the Chainsmokers Can't make us go away Can't make us go away Leave a one star review We'll just tell you screw you And keep goin' anyway We're here forever, we're here forever We're here forever, deal with it! We're here forever, we're here forever We're here forever, deal with it!

Leave everything the way it is Only protest societal changes Leave everything the way it should be And be an advocate for complacency While everybody else is crying, "No!" I'm gonna be pro status quo! Leave everything the way we have it Government corruption and widespread panic Let the hysteria remain on the streets I got another gallon of Cheetos to eat Other bands sing about the pain and hurt But fighting against it is too much work For millions of years, we've had an effed up human race So why bother now to try to make that not the case? We'll fix one problem, create another The problems will eventually loop back to each other I'm tired of tryin' to reach an ever-raising bar I need time to adjust to how things currently are 'Cause I wanna be complacency Live my life for me I mean it, man! Leave everything the way it's been I don't wanna go through that again Until the problems directly affect me I'm gonna live life as a deadbeat proudly While everybody else is crying, "No!" I'm gonna be pro status quo!

The sun begins to shine its light It's time for you to say good night You just finished your graveyard shift Now off to sleep it's time to drift The rooster makes his morning crow And off to school the kids all go Your neighbors soon will eat breakfast It's time that you lay down to rest Crickets sound most people to bed You get to deal with lawnmowers instead And barking dogs and squawking birds But just loud snoring from you will be heard All around you, people are Driving, cleaning, fixing, or swearing at their cars Parents yell at their four year olds to stay off the street All while you drift off to sleep Don't you worry, just rest, my dear The normal people will take it from here Feel the sun as it shines bright And know that means it's time to say good night Good night, relatively speaking

[Bowser] I am a turtle, I rule a kingdom I have many minions who do what I tell them None of whom desire to start any rebellion I could have any Koopa girl I want to be my queen But none of them really fulfill my dreams I have no business messing around with humans But oh... that princess over there With a skin so pure and fair And a crown upon her hair How I could write poems to your beauty You rule a kingdom of your own Your people, they all seem to be Happy, healthy, and free Their peace, you oversee Diligently following your duty You have power, you have beauty Two things of which I wish I had more I must have you, my perfect princess That would make my life just peachy But no, you'd never agree to me There's no ethical way to court someone Outside of your species Calling all my best subservient beings With the military know how And the tactical strategies We shall use our strongest troops Some magic and some trickery I will have your beauty And power over two kingdoms Mine! All mine! All mine! [Toad] Hark! The princess has been taken! Gather together, citizens It's time to plan a meeting to determine How to get her back! Send the biggest army! Send the noble Calvary! Send our fighting air force With our strongest weaponry! Send our most fearsome troops! NO! Everyone knows the princess is Romantically involved with the plumber If we're to send anyone out there, Send the plumber! [Mario] Yes, toads, I accept Send me on my way I will get the princess And bring her back today Armed with just my legs and feet Not militarily trained Praying random items of power Are scattered across the terrain I admire your sense of strategy I'm humbled that you have chosen me Over your greatest military troops I'll prove to you that you chose well And besides, it's a chance at a new girlfriend Since Pauline dumped me After she got caught up in some monkey business... Oh princess, I'll prove myself worthy [Kamek] Hark! They've sent someone to rescue the princess! Our King, how do you respond? [Bowser] I will scatter all my minions across the land And they are to obey my every command You are all to go to your assigned platforms And strictly walk in pre-assigned patterns And if you reach the edge of a platform Just keep walking, pretend it isn't there! Some of you will be specific exceptions to the rule Some of you will get some random thing that you will do But always remember... Stay in your patterns!!! [Kamek] Sir, don't you think We should follow more tactical strategies? You know, the ones we used To get the princess in the first place? We can't be predictable, that's how we lose! [Bowser] My noble advisor, I generally trust you But their kingdom sent out a stupid plumber He's never gonna figure us out I'm telling everybody... Stay in your patterns!!! [Kamek] But sir... Some of those platforms simply hover over nothing And if we just walk off the edge We're simply walking to our deaths How does that stop a free thinker From watching us die like lemmings? (Oh no!) Then going about his way Making it through to you And the ends of our lives mean nothing There's gotta be a better way Hear our pleas, what do you say? [Bowser] No!!!! I have this all according to plan The princess shall stay in my hands The plumber doesn't stand a chance When my entire herd advance My world is set up linearly To get harder progressively Just when he thinks he's got us down We'll beat him with our numbers Just follow my word! Patterns! Patterns! Patterns! Stay in your patterns!!! [Mario] I'm traveling through a strange land Bouncing on random creatures' heads Though they're not actually attacking me And I have no reason to knock 'em dead Except for the jerks throwing hammers at me You all deserve to die!!! I'm trying out some mushrooms And that flower that happened to spring After doing so many mushrooms I'm trying out literally anything I just tried out a feather And look at me, I can fly!!! I can fly through this land But in a predetermined path I can't fly over the edges of the bigger world But I can skip around via the extensive pipe systems And hop around the world nonlinearly! [Bowser] How is he skipping around? You're supposed to go through the worlds Like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and you're just bouncing around Like 7, 1, 2, 8, 3! And those items that are giving him power! Who the hell put them there? And why aren't any of you using them? [Kamek] Just following patterns like you asked, sir. [Bowser] No! He's gotta be stopped! Pattern harder! Pattern harder! Pattern harder!!!!! [Mario] I mean, his castle is right there, I can see it From the second Donut Secret But strangely, I have to go the long way around [interlude for battle] Princess, I, a plumber with no weapons Relying on enemy soil's nature, and its gifts And the predictability of its inhabitants I have made my way through treacherous lands And now you're safe inside my hands Why they sent me, and not a fighting troop Is beyond me, but... Here I am, my lady Ready to take you home Your people are awaiting They'll be excited when you come There'll be toads cheering you on Happy to have you back As you're now home and safe Until Bowser's next attack Why he does this all the time I think he's just insane It just feels like, at this point It's all become a game But I promise I will do it As often as I must As long as they trust me And if he keeps on taking you I will go through every land No matter the change in setup Just to bring you back To your kingdom To your people And to me!!!! It's an amazing world when I'm a plumber And a princess is not way out of my league [Klump] Dear King K. Rool, please don't make the exact same mistakes Bowser made. Your faithful servant, Klump!