Throwbacks, by Derwood Bowen

Throwbacks

by Derwood Bowen

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Full Digital Discography

8

releases

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Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Ace Of All Trades, Passing With Levitating Colors, Sacre Boooo, Lightbulb-Eating Selfie, Throwbacks, Screw You, Mayan Predictions, I've Made Another Album, Slap Unhappy, and A-Dork-Able. , and , .

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1.	Mountain Dew Addict 02:55	lyrics	buy track
Hold up, wait a minute, put some Mountain Dew in it! Yeah, Doctor, Doctor, I don't know what I should do It seems I need my caffeine, I need my D-E-W I think I'm going insane, yeah, a need I can't feign And If it makes me feel hyper, then I don't want a chill pill To get some in my stomach, oh man would I surely kill Oh yeah it's better than Pibb, yeah it's the best that there is! Hold up, wait a minute, put some Mountain Dew in it! Hey, can't kick the habit. Yeah, I got to have it! Yeah, I'm just a Mountain Dew addict, Dew addict! Hey, I really think that, Yeah, I have to drink that! Hey, I'm a caffeinated Dew addict, Dew addict! Need a refill, a 50-pack's not enough! I am enlivened, oh yeah, my energy has gone up So pour the dew down me, it's just the thing I need Hold up, wait a minute, put some Mountain Dew in it! Hey, can't kick the habit. Yeah, I got to have it! Yeah, I'm just a Mountain Dew addict, Dew addict! Hey, I really think that, Yeah, I have to drink that! Hey, I'm a caffeinated Dew addict, Dew addict! I'm hit, I must admit My mind tells me to go get it Cause this is my... stuff I'm just a Dew addict Here I am, super energetic Look out now, 'cause things could get hectic This drink has turned me insane So jumpy I could hit an airplane Gotta clear the fridge So there's room for some more Hold up, wait a minute, put some Mountain Dew in it! Hey, can't kick the habit. Yeah, I got to have it! Yeah, I'm just a Mountain Dew addict, Dew addict! Hey, I really think that, Yeah, I have to drink that! Hey, I'm a caffeinated Dew addict, Dew addict! Hey, can't kick the habit. Yeah, I got to have it! Yeah, I'm just a Mountain Dew addict, Dew addict! Hey, I really think that, Yeah, I have to drink that! Hey, I'm a caffeinated Dew addict, Dew addict!
2.	Ghost Of The Cat 02:18	lyrics	buy track
I am the ghost of the cat That fell out of your Christmas tree When you said you wanted a star on top, I assumed that you meant me I'm transparent, so I can't catch the mice The best I can do is scare them frozen like ice I hope you learn to be careful next time That you get a less adventurous looking Christmas tree I am the ghost of the cat That fell out of your Christmas tree It's bad enough Christmas is advertised in September Maybe December should have Halloween I couldn't concentrate to land on my feet Christmas ornaments shouldn't look like cat treats I hope you learn to be careful next time Not to put anything attractive at the top of a Christmas tree I am the ghost of the cat That fell out of your Christmas tree I can't eat your table scraps or scratch up your chair I just scare you until you pee I hope my death causes a heartfelt change, you'll Put a dog up there instead of an angel! I hope you learn to be careful next time Not to put anything attractive at the top of a Christmas tree
3.	Ohio's Weather 03:31	lyrics	buy track
Yesterday, I wore shorts, and still heavily perspired Today, I'm wearing a full suit of armor on fire Sure, my skin is seared, and my bones no longer hide But I think it balances out with how cold it is outside Just my luck, it rains, fire extinguished What season is this? It's hard to distinguish The rain is so hard it turns my umbrella soggy Next thing I know, it's blindingly foggy And the fire's out, so I have no light So I wrote S.O.S. on a giant kite thunder Great, my kite got fried Why must Ohio be where I reside? It's the state where you gotta plan 3 outfits a day Not knowing what will be appropriate that day What's gonna happen tomorrow? Only God knows It's the indecisive weather of Ohio, yo! Just like a plot twist in a mystery flick What happens next is the writer's pick One day could rain chickens, the next not at all After that, a blizzard of ping pong balls Even what NOT to wear, you may not know Because sometimes it's the same two days in a row Trying to predict how the weather will unfurl Is like Harold Camping on the end of the world Yet the forecasters are sometimes free of mistakes They must've found a Miss Cleo, except she's not fake I'm as lost as an untrained maze dwelling rat Ohio's Weather can be used to confuse a cat It's the state where you gotta plan 3 outfits a day Not knowing what will be appropriate that day What's gonna happen tomorrow? Only God knows It's the indecisive weather of Ohio, yo! [NOTE: In the following script, Mother Nature will be referred to as "MN"] MN: Oh, I suppose, if I must make a random weather table using an icosahedron, I will get Trav to help. Secretary: Ah, Trav, you're just in time for your appointment with Mother Nature. Trav: Yeah, she called me asking for help on how to make a random weather chart for Ohio. Secretary: Yes, go right on in, she's expecting you. Trav: Wow, this is one hell of a nice office she has here! Mother Nature... this is one heck of a commission. Thank you so much for asking for MY humble skills in this matter. Okay... I've been running d20 games, I made a couple d20 games, I've been gaming for 25 years... I think I got this down, I think I'm more than qualified! MN: (yawning) Oh, yeah, whatever! So how do I do this? Trav: Okay, so you need a bell curve, where you go from 1, and the top of the bell is 9 to 12, and then back down to 20. MN: Okay... Trav: Now, as you go away from 9 to 12 on either side, it gradiates until 1 and 20 become a nice, quiet, gentle winter, because... MN: Uh huh. Trav: ...let's face it, Ohio needs all the help they can get... it's Ohio! MN: Uh huh. Trav: So, yeah, that's about it, I mean, just, you place the weather as you need it, and... (chuckling to himself) Oh, this is great! I got Mother Nature in my back pocket! MN: (rolls die) Oops, sorry Ohio. Alright, look who's next! It's MICHIGAN! (rolls die again) Trav: .......AW CRAP!!!!! Well, sorry Michiganders. Good night everybody!
4.	Starbucks Frappucino Tribute 04:52	lyrics	buy track
Listen up, y'all, 'cause you're in luck It's a song about how I grew to love Starbucks. Percolator's makin' coffee, make my nose go loco, But the taste of it's so bad, so I've been stuck with tea or cocoa But one night I got a gift card, was for Starbucks, worth $5 So I tried a Frappucino, now it's hard for me to say no So delicious, My taste buds have gone amuck Anyone that sells plain coffee is just out of luck Because there's Starbucks, their Frappucinos rock, rock And now I'm drivin' down the block just to taste what they got. So delicious (They rock, rock) So delicious (Those drinks, they hit the spot, spot) So delicious (More addicting than soda pop) Frappe-licious (T-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty) Frappe-licious def... Frappe-licious def... Frappe-licious def... Frappe-licious definition make my mouth go crazy Send me inside a Starbucks, it won't take much to persuade me I'm the I to the N, S, A the N the E And I won't, even for a second, put it down, you see It's so delicious, my belly stay loaded As many as I've had, I'm surprised I've not exploded Yeah, you know it, those drinks they hit the spot, spot And now I'm drivin' down the block just to taste what they got So delicious (They rock, rock) So delicious (Those drinks, they hit the spot, spot) So delicious (More addicting than soda pop) Frappe-licious (hold hold hold hold hold up, check it out) If you haven't tried it yet, you should get out and then Head right into that place, then you can get a taste You don't have to go far, it's convenient for ya No matter where you are, it's just around the corner. D to the E to the L-E-C-T-A-B-L-E, D to the E to the L-E-C-T-A-B-L-E T to the A to the S-T-Y, there's no E genius, A to the plus, to the, to the... All the time I'm comin' in with a big thirsty grin, Ready to take a sip, make me go (ahh) I just wanna gulp it down, no do too much else now Utilize the best 5 bucks I ever spent I know I'm comin' off just a little bit obsessive And my ramblings are massive about these drinks being impressive But I'm tryin' to say, when you try one you can't turn away 'Cause they're just so delicious. My taste buds have gone amuck Anyone that sells plain coffee is just out of luck Because there's Starbucks, their Frappucinos rock, rock And now I'm drivin' down the block just to taste what they got. (MORE FRAPPUCINO!) My belly stay loaded, As many as I've had, I'm surprised I've not exploded Yeah, you know it, those drinks they hit the spot, spot And now I'm drivin' down the block just to taste what they got So delicious (ahh ahh ahh ahh) So delicious (ahh ahh ahh ahh) So delicious (ahh ahh ahh ahh) Frappe-licious (T-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty) So delicious (ahh ahh ahh ahh) So delicious (ahh ahh ahh ahh) So delicious (ahh ahh ahh ahh) Frappe-licious, T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t (ahh ahh ahh ahh) D to the E to the L-E-C-T-A-B-L-E, D to the E to the L-E-C-T-A-B-L-E F to the R to the A-P-P-U-C-I-N-O, F to the R, to the, to the... A to the S to the T-O-U-N-D-I-N-G, A to the S to the T-O-U-N-D-I-N-G S to the T to the A-R-B-U-C-K-S to the S to the T, to the, to the... S to the U to the P-E-R describes it well now, S to the U to the P-E-R describes it well now F to the R to the A-P-P-U-C-I-N-O, F to the R, to the, to the... D to the E to the L-E-C-T-A-B-L-E, D to the E to the L-E-C-T-A-B-L-E T to the A to the S-T-Y, there's no E genius, A to the plus, to the, to the...
5.	Uglyman Theme 01:13	lyrics	buy track
They call him Uglyman He's the most feared hero in town Villains wanna vomit when they see his face But his friends don't let him down They call him Uglyman And next to pin the tail on the donkey He's reason number two to wear a blindfold And when you do, he'll flatten you like a pancake He's ugly, so his face can't really shine in glory But the townsfolk love him so it's all hunky dory They call him Uglyman
6.	Lyric Speaking Helper Robot 05:09	lyrics	buy track
[Lyric speaking helper robot, I improve your song a whole lot] Played throughout: [My voice gives the song its power, You're the one that gets the glory, You'll have much babe magnet power, If I have no power failure] Chorus: N-now, that stage, it won't scare me 'Cause I got my robot helper My rapping voice on its own now Sounds like an exploding bomb shelter I gotta have my robot now, I can't have you malfunction, no Least not for the next 5 minutes now, That's how long I gotta make the song go. Background: I need you to work now. I need you to work now. Let us rock tonight, Get a cool song on the charts tonight, Knock down the plain rappers, they bite, Let the man & robot hit the spotlight. On Duracell, the true star is running, And I'm the one who gets the money, Enough to accesorize my buddy, If I give up vacation where it's sunny. Get ready for the new star in music, It's my robot, no you can't use it, Haters be tryin' to abuse it, Their song is made for me to boo it. They gotta be nuts if they attempt this, Using just their own rapping for a big hit, Relying on a robot's the new "hip," A new style, homey, get this! Lame-o's! Chorus: N-now, that stage, it won't scare me 'Cause I got my robot helper My rapping voice on its own now Sounds like an exploding bomb shelter I gotta have my robot now, I can't have you malfunction, no Least not for the next 5 minutes now, That's how long I gotta make the song go. (robot has minor malfunctions) I need you to work now. I need you to work now. I'm not sure if I got you recharged or not. If your capacity is large or not. Then again, I wasn't charged a lot When I bought you, I hope you weren't a ripoff. Then again, I only got you yesterday, So how the crap could you die on me? Just because the price to buy you was cheap Doesn't mean your structure should be weak. Hope you weren't made in an absence of cash, Hope you weren't made from dumpster trash, Hope you were made by a master in science, And not from someone who only got a C-minus. 'Cause then I won't have a positive attitude, When my dead robot leaves me screwed, 'Cause a robot makes it [Cooler, sweeter, uber pwnage] YES! Chorus: N-now, that stage, it won't scare me 'Cause I got my robot helper My rapping voice on its own now Sounds like an exploding bomb shelter I gotta have my robot now, I can't have you malfunction, no Least not for the next 5 minutes now, That's how long I gotta make the song go. (robot has malfunctions again) Aww, I need you to work now. I need you to work now. You know how much longer I need ya, The song's ending isn't even near yet. Get through this song, you'll have a bright future. Don't act like a Windows computer! Don't act like a Windows computer! Don't act like a Windows computer! Don't act like a Windows computer! Don't act like a Windows computer! Dude! You're making it [Harder on you, I see sweat drops] Chorus: WAIT! You spoke! So the stage shouldn't scare me! Then again, you gonna last much longer? You can't die on me at this point! My nerves ain't gonna get stronger! I gotta have you work now. I can't have you malfunction, no. Least not for the next minute or so. That's how much there is left to go. (Robot in background): Working, working, low on power. (During following paragraph) I need you to work now. I need you to work now. I need you to work now. At this point I kick the robot WORK, WILL YA? You know how much longer I need ya. The song's ending isn't quite here yet. Get through this song, you'll have a bright future. Don't act like a Windows computer! You know how much longer I need ya. The song's ending isn't quite here yet. Get through this song, you'll have a bright future. Don't act like a Windows computer! (Robot keeps going) Low on power (Recharge robot, it goes into panic attack, until eventually robot says) Dead battery! Epic Fail! (explosion) Ahh, bugger. Should've given up the vacation where it's sunny. sigh That's the last time I buy a robot from Rip-off Joe's.
7.	I Am A Teenage Appetite 01:13	lyrics	buy track
I am a teenage appetite with the crave To eat 80 pounds a day, Or something realistically close. I have to boast, I eat the most, Out of all my family, It feels so good to be A guy with the munchies, So I chase after food. To be put in a good mood, I'm a starving dude. I'm the guy who makes your pantries die, Lots of food I'll fry, or some I'll bake, Like a delicious cake, there's lots to make, And plenty to eat, from fruit to meat, It's all really sweet, I'll get it all gobbled Until I wobble until I topple, My stomach's immense, my mouth is intense, As I try to make sense from my food and rhymes, That'll leave me fine to make my teeth grind, Then some bites of cheese, I'll do it with ease As I please, I'll take the vegetables That are so munchable that they'll become untouchable To other humans, sprinkle on a little cumin, I bet adults are fumin', as they try to conserve, But they got us to serve, Why is it this they deserve? It's all part of life to put up with this strife, As we snack all night, It's plainly seen, That food is keen for the starving teen!
8.	My Pants Ran Away 02:03	lyrics	buy track
My pants thought I was being mean, Making them smell the waste from my beans. You tell me I'm crazy when I swear I hear them cough, But I'm pretty sure they do every time I let one off I woke up the next morning, they were not next to my coat You tell me I misplaced them, but I found a written note! My pants got up and ran away. Tired of my gas from day to day. I wish they'd get tired because I'm tired of ranting I hope that they'll run out of breath so I can catch them when I hear them panting I put up signs on the telephone poles, Hoping somebody could get a hold This wasn't quite the chase of my dreams, But my pair of pants isn't what it seems... I've got all my neighbors to search along the avenue I better lay off the pop rocks so my mouthguard doesn't leave too My pants got up and ran away. And now I'm scouting for them in dismay. On a thought-out plan we must rely, We can't just catch them on the fly.
9.	Sudoku Song 03:36	lyrics	buy track
There's a puzzle exercising my mind, All the time, Su-Sudoku, Whoa-oah! I try to do one every day, So my brain doesn't decay, Su-sudoku, Whoa-oah! Since I've learned how to do one, I can't stop, they're so much fun. I've lost count of how many I've done. Still, it feels good to solve another one, Su-Sudoku. To solve another one, Su-Sudoku. Whether at home or in a bumpy car ride, I can do one anytime, Su-Sudoku, Whoa-oah! I could sit and solve a batch, Or even make one from scratch, Su-sudoku, Whoa-oah! Since I've learned how to do one, I can't stop, they're so much fun. I've lost count of how many I've done. Still, it feels good to solve another one, Su-Sudoku. To solve another one, Su-Sudoku. I can't stop working my brain 'Cause it feels good to solve another one, Su-Sudoku. To solve another one, Su-Sudoku.
10.	I'm Just A Random Boy 02:51	lyrics	buy track
What, another one? NOOOOOOOOOOO... Yes, I've done it too. I've got the 27 millionth parody of Soulja Boy. (Aw nooo) I'm like everyone else now, who gives a rat's fanny? I don't. People on the internet Capitalize off a super hit I wanna do a parody, But that'd be redundant. 'Cause I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy [2X] Random boy off in this mess, Adding to a real long list Of spoofs that have been done The exponential growth's endless Scared Ya Boy, who wants to watch that low a form of entertainment Or even Crank Dat Toga Boy I go to the back button and click that thing. (Poo!) Cacaman's existant too, If we get anymore of these, There won't be no more room! I don't know how this trend got started, But I went with it anyway. Haters won't get me mad 'cause This song's a dumb flop anyway. People on the internet Capitalize off a super hit I wanna do a parody, But that'd be redundant. 'Cause I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy [2X] Not to mention the club Of video overdubs Take the original song And play it over pop culture, ugh! They've done it with clips of Bambi, Lion King and Barney. I watch and say what the heck, And see what else they've wrecked. Shrek (shrek) South Park, too (south park, too) Mario (Mario) And Winnie the Pooh! (Winnie the Pooh) Did I nail them all? Not likely. Will there be more? Likely. To those who wanna parody, Choose a different song, G! People on the internet Capitalize off a super hit I wanna do a parody, But that'd be redundant. 'Cause I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy I'm just a random boy [2X] This song's... an EPIC FAIL!
11.	Demonic Toilet 01:36	lyrics	buy track
There's a demonic toilet, it's driving me insane Flushing thrice every 5 minutes and causing aural pain Not only do I wish I could throw it away, But a seven grand water bill, can anyone pay? Was there a crazy psycho who was suddenly inspired To give a spider money and then have him hired To swing on his web, so that the sensor would get him While the rest of us ask if there's a bug in the system? I'm glad someone decided to hire a plumber But I wonder if he could've been any dumber He pulled out a bazuka and had the spider shot, But as far as fixing the toilet, I guess he plumb forgot! There's a sedated toilet, it's driving me insane It flushes freakin' never, I have no plans of stayin' Until I find a working gathering spot for my poo, For now, I'll just say toodaloo to the loo.
12.	Broccoli And Cheese Sandwich 01:05	lyrics	buy track
I want to make a broccoli and cheese sandwich, But I need some stronger bread For the cheese ran through the bread and made it soggy, Before the first bite the thing was dead. I asked several of my friends to give me advice, Until someone eventually said. "Though broccoli on its own comes with cheese in liquid form Solid cheese will preserve your bread!" I'm now eating a broccoli and cheese sandwich, And I am happy with that. But I wish I knew how to get the bushy part of the Broccoli on a sandwich flat.
13.	Why Did I Turn Right 03:55	lyrics	buy track
Everyone's trailing, and that's why I'm tunneling, To get away from people like Elmer Fudd To one place I'm heading, but now I'm who knows where, One of the turns there that I made was wrong. Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I know that I should have made the left turn at Albuquerque Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I don't know what I did, But thinking back, I see. I popped up above ground, I don't know where I am, I should've turned left, but I was escaping a mob That wanted to shoot me, So then I left them. Now I'm at the South Pole, I think something's wrong Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I know that I should have made the left turn at Albuquerque Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I don't know what I did, But thinking back, I see. The fact I'm in the dirt, Makes it hard to track the distance and which way I went But now I'm in a cave And I still blame that one turn Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I know that I should have made the left turn at Albuquerque Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I don't know what I did, Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I know that I should have made the left turn at Albuquerque Why did I turn right? How did I get here? I don't know what I did, But thinking back, I see. Thinking back, I see. Thinking back, I see.
14.	Ripped Off By The Traffic Light 00:08	lyrics	buy track
Six cars going in a row I might make it there in a minute or so But crap! It's going yellow there in my sight I just got ripped off by the traffic light!
15.	The Song That Ends Right Now 00:05	lyrics	buy track
This is the song that ends right now.
16.	American Grocery Store Shopper 01:20	lyrics	buy track
I only have 13 items, why can't I use the express? Who let this bottle fall on the floor, look at this mess! Some kid grabbed a can off the shelf and then threw it at me, I think this stupid store needs some better security! I'm the customer, so I should get treated with royalty! But you act like you don't understand that reality! If you delay me 2 seconds, I'll be late for my therapist! And after that, you can tell, I am really gonna be... DISGUSTED! As much as Miley hates Disney, I hate the word no! Don't tell me something can't be done or I'll tell you where to go! I have a right to get my food, with less than zero interference Even the slightest malfunction, buddy you won't be last to hear it! I'm the customer, so I should get treated with royalty! But you act like you don't understand that reality! If you delay me 2 seconds, I'll be late for my therapist! And after that, you can tell, I am really gonna be... DISGUSTED!
17.	This Cure's The Worst 03:34	lyrics	buy track
I can take a tame little scratch up atop my head, That won't bother me, Especially compared to its medicine's side effects. Now I'm afraid to try, risking that I might get a giant nose, Crippled legs, sperm-turned-eggs, and ducks will bill me. At least it will cure the scratch on my head, Though I'll get some disease that just might kill me. This cure's the worst, I'm sure it doesn't work, The side effects make us pay for trying to improve our day, And now I'm so sore, we have to suffer more, So it can make us feel good as new, if that's what it's trying to do. It's hard to deal with the endless pain that comes with these medicines, But I'm doing it, Because there's nothing left that does nothing more than make you well again, I need some cough syrup to counteract the headache pill that counteracts The athlete's foot, from curing my first illness, Soon as I eliminate everything and feel great, The FDA will have raked in trillions This cure's the worst, I'm sure it doesn't work, The side effects make us pay for trying to improve our day, And now I'm so sore, we have to suffer more, So it can make us feel good as new, if that's what it's trying to do. This cure's the worst, I'm sure it doesn't work, The side effects make us pay for trying to improve our day, And now I'm so sore, we have to suffer more, So it can make us feel good as new, if that's what it's trying to do. (Not sure if I have a clue) That that's what it's trying to do.
18.	Wikipedia 02:59	lyrics	buy track
I read online the other day, That clouds are known to make the sky look gray But do I really wanna be mean And change it to say they make the sky look green? Sure, then I'll say the sun is blue And that all deodorant smells like poo. The world will believe me, I know that for sure 'Cause they think what's on this page is pure. People use it for information for reports, So I can make them write that baskets are used on tennis courts I can totally screw up some students' grades Because they use this site for a research aid. And it's the information site that's all the rage, So they think they can trust every single page. And what is this site, you ask? (wiki, wiki, wiki, wiki... WIKIPEDIA!) So let's see, what else can I write? Humans can turn into chickens on a full moon night Mozart's proven to make you dumber, And snowboarding is popular in the summer Cars can go from one planet to another directly, And Microsoft actually does something correctly. Broken mirrors are actually good luck, And there's a reality show that doesn't suck Ants, when mixed with Elmer's Glue Are the secret ingredient behind Tofu. Mountains are capable of releasing poo, Why do you think they call it Mountain Dew? Pastries now can clean up a spilled liquid mistake, Haven't you heard of a sponge cake? I've now given the world my own reality People are bound to believe it undoubtedly, That's the beauty of a site that can be edited by all, Whatever goes on the page is anyone's call, It's the site everyone trusts... (wiki, wiki, wiki... WIKIPEDIA!) Okay, since I first recorded this song back in 2007, Wikipedia changed their editing policy so that you can't just go and edit it willy-nilly. There are standards in place to ensure factual accuracy. So my line from the original song about editing an article about me (which, by the way, there isn't one) from something opinionated and negative to something opinionated and positive would not be plausible, and come to think of it, neither would this song. So you just wasted 2 and a half minutes of your life listening to this, while I wasted probably a week or so re-recording it. Oh well, could be worse, I could be on Encyclopedia Dramatica!
19.	Homestar Rap Song 04:00	lyrics	buy track
'Cause It's the Homestar Runner, no website's funner It's the Homestar Runner, no website's funner If you catch me on the internet, you know where you'll find me, Likely I'll be watching the Homestar Runner Played Stinkoman and was doin' just fine Played Peasant's Quest, and only got a score of nine. Watching The Cheat's animations, listening to fhqwhgads. I'll take up to 5 days watching everything they have. Marzipan's the only girl, Strong Bad's pranking the answerer But screws up so terribly, none of them can trick her. Hundreds of cartoons that I can play Let's see what updates are up today. 'Cause I'm at Homestar Runner, my favorite website yet. An animated website, and it's such a hit. When I feel down, I can just kick a can, And that's gonna make me feel better again. Over 200 sbemails, I shall pick one and watch it Got a favorite I wanna see, use the scroll buttons and spot it Spend another hour watching puppet shows Got some extra easter eggs, but you gotta find those Or just sit back rockin' to the jams of Limozeen While watching poorly drawn comics of a squad of girly teens Coach Z's rhymin' is the best I've heard Except for pronounciation, he does a great jerb. Lots of people get whatever they can, No matter how random, at Bubs' Concession stand. Watching this site is more productive for all Than being like Strong Sad, talking to a wall. It's a nice day, I can decide to go out And hear ukulele at a tofu luau. Some Fluffy Puff Marshmallows, and some melonade, Make it down my mouth, and my stomach has it made. 'Cause everything I've seen is a lot of fun, I'm halfway through the site, and I'm still not done. My favorite character is Homsar, his randomness is funny, Like when he says he was raised by a cup of coffee. Senor Cardgage, Katie 80, all the way to Cuppin' Cakes, A worm, Eh! Steve, and a wheelchair on a chase. I'm seeing blue lazer coming up with secret plans The Cheat Commandos foil them as fast as they can When Trogdor burninates my village my temper will gain heat But I take my anger out on a toy of "Kick the Cheat" On the computer I may have spent too long, But It's Homestar Runner, how can I go wrong? I remember anticipatin' when I could see The brand new movie, Dangeresque 3 I also had hoped for Stinkoman level 10, Still a lot of funny stuff had been made back then. There are a lot of toons that my eyes can go with, And I know my song stinks as bad as the Poopsmith Even considering its prime, we're several years passed it I'll still watch its toons when they're timeless classics As long as 400,000 viruses don't leave my compy crashin' Without sight of that site, against a wall my head is bashin' If you haven't been to the site, It's somethin' you gotta see You're highly missing out, so I ask you, please Just type in the address, and there you'll be Delighted with the comedy that has delighted me My day's coming to an end, so I've got to go But I'm glad the Brothers Chaps had put on a good show And though it hasn't updated since 2010, I will still go back and watch it now and then For the nostalgic value, that's an easy presumption, And if I'm not, what is my malfunction?
20.	Bad Thing To Say To A Girl 00:11	lyrics	buy track
So... They say you are what you eat, right? So, if I ate your boyfriend, would that make me... SLAP OW!
21.	A.D.D. 01:39	lyrics	buy track
My focus is on what's important For a second or two, but no more. I noticed someone taped a chicken wing to the ceiling And there's a bug crawling on the floor. Now, now, now, I gotta find out (Find out, find out) Where that bug's going (Where's he gonna go?) Three hours passed already. No work got done, and that really bothers me. A.D.D., distracted easily, Not the best way to be, A.D.D., Ooh shiny... Aw, crap... um... Words go here, but I forget what they were A.D.D., La da de, can someone just slap me now? There's crayon drawings on the ceiling Whoa, did I just fall down the stairs? How can I concentrate on the tiger ten feet away When there's a frog eating underwear? Now, now, now, I gotta figure out (Figure out, figure out) How to concentrate (How to concentrate) Given a choice of displays that are two, I can pick just one to attend to. A.D.D., distracted easily, Not the best way to be, A.D.D, Frantically switch from A to B now! (A.D.D.) It especially is frustrating to me (Easily) I hear things inattentively (A.D.D, A.D.D) That's what this thing does to me. Portrays me in stupidity A.D.D., would you just flee?
22.	He's Asleep, And He Won't Wake Up 03:07	lyrics	buy track
We hit him on the head while he was in bed We took a shaving cream pie and shoved it in his eye We took the alarm clocks we'd hear, and put them next to his ear We poked him with a stick, but that doesn't do the trick He's asleep, and he won't wake up. We tried to scare him by yelling "BOO!" We replaced his pillow with a squeaky shoe We filled his bed with poisonous snakes, but his unconsciousness we can't even shake We stuffed doughnuts up his nose, but he completely inhaled those. To make sure his life wasn't done in, we did the Heimlich on him. He stayed asleep, and he won't wake up. We put battery acid in a garden hose, then put it in his hand and tickled his nose We parachuted him from a plane and flushed him down the drain. We locked him in the fridge, we hung him from a bridge, We can't do this for a whole generation, so he'll just die of starvation 'Cause he's asleep, and he won't wake up.
23.	A Music Video Brew 03:11	lyrics	buy track
TV, I remember being little, you showed lots of cartoons. I'd sit there and laughed at what I watched each Saturday. My days consisted of just that from morning on through noon. I was glad you'd never go away. Now I've grown older, and your humor is getting lost. My interests are a-changin', but you're still my friend. I won't forget that you taught me to laugh at any cost. Still you're not as funny as you seem to pretend. Rhythms are now pounding, melodies coming from within If I can put them all together, something new might just begin. One day it struck me like a two ton weight upon my head. What was blinded, now I could see, now music flowed from me instead. But we could compromise, you see, I could still keep watching you, Mixing both on a DVD, a music video brew. But even still today, you come in great use, You've got qualities I still find okay, I don't know why I turned you loose. There's still a lot I could do with you, I don't know why I tried to make it end You can always show me something new, and I can still be your friend. Yes, I have done it, a long-sought new career, I know I'll never lose it, success is oh-so-near.
24.	Put The Scheduled Show On The Air 04:44	lyrics	buy track
Announcer: I'm here with the winner of the trademark named race 500! So, how does it feel? Winner: Well, I'm pumped, let me tell you. I think I've earned enough to fill up my gas tank, hopefully. But emotionally, it was exciting. You would think that driving around in circles for hours on end would seem boring, but the goal of trying to finish so many laps before snyyone else, plus the incredibly high speeds, and having the competition and looking out for the other drivers, it really adds to the excitement of driving, you know? Those that have not driven cars in a professional race would not truly understand how it felt. It's a dangerous thing, but if you know how to do it right, generally you come out of it with a really good feeling. I probably still would've had that feeling if I had finished 2nd, or 3rd, or 10th, or something. But being in first has an even greater feeling, knowing you have accomplished something that only one person can claim to have accomplished per race, and I feel incredibly lucky to have been the one to be able to pull it off. The race is done, somebody's won We'll find out who's in the top few just for fun Now I've seen the names of those that earned their fame, But why interview them all? I think it's pretty lame! Get the winner, that's cool, and maybe number two, But going through the whole list will get you nothing new 'Cause every single guy who finished behind Will just say they wish they were first across the line! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! Announcer: And for those of you just tuning in, here's a summary of what just happened in the race. You see this clip from lap 13, the cars are driving. And you see this clip from lap 48, the cars are making the turn. In this clip, someone's at the pit stop. In this clip from lap 134, more driving. And here you see a flat tire being replaced. And here you see from lap 322, someone ran the windshield wiper to remove a flower petal from off the windshield. And here you see the drivers going across the finish line, completing their final lap. Come on, let's go! I wanna see my show! Don't tell me there's another 90 drivers left to go! They either won't give a crap, or wish they weren't so bad, Either way there's no shocking opinion that they'll have! Why can't you just end it? You don't need to extend it! My luck, the show I want will come on at the closing credits. If you want them interviewed, then go for it, dude, And for the few that wanna watch, post it on YouTube! (yeah) None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! Announcer: I'm now interviewing the person that finished dead last. So, what made you decide to try to do this race riding on a cow? Last Placer: I'm just trying to milk it for what it's worth Announcer: Do they even allow cows in a car based race? Last Placer: Well, rather than stir up a mad cow, they figured it'd be for the butter that they let me in. Announcer: Just so you know, those puns were an epic fail! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air! None of us care! None of us care! Put the scheduled show on the air!
25.	Duct Tape 03:55	lyrics	buy track
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to tell Of a popular belief that's widely held About a product that can universally repair Any given situation of despair Here are some examples, with which I come, From mildly creative to "where did that come from?" With these examples, I'm-a do my thing About how duct tape fixes everything! I knew a girl who apparently Had it rough with a professor in chemistry He tried to teach to a chalkboard, but that's insane Last I checked, chalkboards have no brain So I decided to write on the board That maybe looking at students could improve their scores If you want to teach, try teaching the class It might improve the chance that they'll pass I couldn't write in chalk, that would easily erase And marker on a chalkboard doesn't show up that great I couldn't use anything second rate Yep, you guessed it! Spelled it out in duct tape! I got some advice for you all, Be careful near a kid with a soccer ball I got bonked in the nose with one one week And my moustache area turned into a creek My left hand had to pinch my nose bridge tight, And I had to grab and hold tissues with my right But I could've only needed one hand for my face, If I had duct tape to take the tissue's place The sticky side would attach to my upper lip And catch every drop that my nose would drip One hand on my nose could slow its dripping rate And I'd have a hand free to... write another verse that's really great! It's a widely known fact, I must admit Cows releasing methane damages the environment We gotta use something to help hold that in Before Mother Nature completely caves in But there's a solution I have the foresight for, Use duct tape to make a cow-sized diaper Sure, making one might take a lot of time, But it'll be easy to put it on their behind. Because cows rarely move during their grass intake, So putting it on them is a piece of cake. You just gotta change it every day... (pause for 1 line) Okay, maybe global warming's not that big a deal anyway
26.	How To Win The Election 01:34	lyrics	buy track
When the elections come around, many politicians will talk about what what they will do when they become President. However, we live in a time where everyone believes that all politicians are compulsive liars trying to sound like they're doing good, so I came up with this idea that if you run a campaign speech with complete absurdities, people will believe the opposite of what you say, think you're actually going to make sense as President, and vote for you. For example: I'm a morally bankrupt person running for President. In order to cure the unemployment problem, I hope to lower the minimum wage so corporations can afford to hire more people without losing out on the money they need to stay ahead of the game. I do approve of us having a more green environment, so I'm going to issue a law that all rocks, trees, roads, playgrounds, benches, anything that isn't green to be painted with green paint, even if it involves having to stick dynamite in a green paint bucket and blowing it up. I know everyone wants the wars to end, so I'm sending Marvin the Martian to Mars to blow up the Earth entirely. This way, there will be nothing bad left on the Earth, as there will be no Earth. Which, consequently, cures the non-green environment and economic imbalance, and all other problems, so it'll be better for everyone. I'm Derwood Bowen, and I approve this satire.
27.	Busy College Days 07:21	lyrics	buy track
8:00 in the morning, I don't want to go to class And it's only there that time drags on, free time goes too fast And the homework is piling on, and my breaks are all for naught Studying for hours on end makes my mind like a robot Sitting through 50 minutes of talk, I get way too easily bored I'll paint my eyelids to look awake, just remind me not to snore. After one class alone, we've turned to drones, Watching clocks, though they won't go. We're in aural pain, and once again we know. We get so little time to rest, and that's from one to seven A.M. Get some breakfast, then some knowledge to binge into your brain. Beyond our brain capacity, beyond any motivation, Is the info we're supposed to gain. So far today, I've been working all day As a student slash college homework pawn. To get the grade, I have to sacrafice my social life. Through these busy college days, I'll carry on. As the semester progresses, and a school break's drawing nigh Someone has a project planned to occupy our time. One class expects ongoing homework, and another some project thing I'm going back and forth between the two like a mass on a spring. Though it might be rough, if I work enough, It will be done sometime, And possibly, I'll be free for one night. To land the job of my dreams, I'll go through all this cruelty At least it helps to realize that I am not alone. Inside a box I am confined, lengthening my work time. Blocking out the world from my little zone. So far today, I've been working all day As a student slash college homework pawn. To get the grade, I have to sacrafice my social life. Through these busy college days, I'll carry on. Whoa oh oh, Whoa oh oh, Whoa oh oh oh oh Whoa oh oh, Whoa oh oh, Whoa oh oh oh oh Now here I am with exams on my hands. I've studied hard, but still I don't understand. I'll make it through this test getting the best grade that I can Provided my brain doesn't go kablam! So far today, I've been working all day As a student slash college homework pawn. To get the grade, I have to sacrafice my social life. Through these busy college days, I'll carry on.
28.	2:00 A.M. Love Dedication 01:56	lyrics	buy track
You're probably still sleeping as I'm singing this to you. It's 2 A.M. in the morning, I probably should sleep too. But something in my heart says that I should just not worry. Instead of creating another dream, pursue this one in a hurry. I know there are more convenient times that maybe I could have found. But I don't stalk you all day, so I only knew of this time that you'd be around This song says how much I love you, a feeling not easy to express. Especially through a window, when your ears are entirely at rest. Love means waking you up at odd hours within the night And dragging you out of bed, making you grab for your flashlight And discovering how much it means that someone else gave up their sleep To express their love for you, could that be any more sweet? Robot: Hey! You do know you are singing to a clay statue with spaghetti on its head, and not a real human, right? Me: Uh... no... and who are you? Robot: I am the robot that defends this clay statue, and I am programmed to destroy anybody that gets near it, so... robot fires a missile at me Nana nana boo boo! Epic fail!