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Screw You, Mayan Predictions, I've Made Another Album

by Derwood Bowen

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1.
Hello world, here I am, aspiring young star Wanting YouTube to see my talents Overnight sensation, with the "Dislike" to "Like" ratio out of balance. Instant attention, malicious intentions I'm just a young teen making the scene Wanting to share my voice with the world And just sing happily, But what do my listeners want from me? Death, death, death, death Wishing on me nothing but my very last breath, breath And not from old age, 'cause that would take too long They want me gutted, shredded, or knifed Or clobbered to death by an angry deer's hooves Death, death, death, death Even though it would be more satisfying to improve All I want is encouragement or critical advice Like "expand your range" or "make the music clash less" Or that the line about hating chocolate root beer Doesn't fit in the song at all Yeah, so I'm not productive Medically, politically, or scientifically But a bright, poppy song can brighten someone's day, But that as a goal isn't good enough for you? No, it's only... Death, death, death, death Wishing on me nothing but my very last breath, breath Be it from blood evaporation Be it from black ice radiation Be it from armpit hair mutation Into a dinosaur. Hey world, here we are on YouTube Now take it away, cool rap dude! Makin' sick music, jammin' wit ma peeps World catchin' on quick to earworm beats Get a rappa' in da song, fo' an extra crowd Gettin' mo' suckas singin' it out loud Wit' dis success, each human expects All ot'ers to anticipate what comes next But if dey not sing dat great It drives da population irate Where dey make a giant online movement 'Stead o' hopin' fo' signs o' improvement From youngstas like Black and Bieber Da 'net only be pleased when they meet dere... Death, death, death, death Wishing on us nothing but our very last breath, breath For being a cheesy pop sensation Or having a friendly association We're causing an earworm infestation And YouTube can take their pointless hatin' 'Cause we're gonna have people dancin' Until a natural, old age, death death death death!
2.
This is for all the hip hop dudes that think it's all about how many women you can get to desire you to fondle them or have sex with them. I'm-a show you how it really works! Squeezing is for Play Dough, mo' than women's breasts They'd rather be treated like humans, I'm sho' they will attest Your job's to care for feelings, not to screw with every hole Until you're with your final partner, your shlong's for the toilet bowl So you studied the hip hop culture of today And you learned that dudes and chicks are viewed in different ways But yet still can live lives of love and harmony If the girls can stand livin' with misogyny And everywhere you go, it's what folks be bumpin' to So you assume they all carry that point of view And let that decide how you treat the girls And find yourself attempting that in the real world Now, some chicks aren't aware that's what they've heard 'Cause they turned up the bass so loud they drowned out the words But others are aware of what they actually say But are really only in it for the beats anyway Just because they act silly at a party or two Doesn't mean being forward wins their favor to you But you learned that the hard way, in an absence of glory And now I have to hear your pathetic sob story 'Bout how you failed hard with this chick named Rebecca As you're crying to me calling her a heartwrecker 'Cause she quickly said no when you made your moves, Then you tell me what you said that made you lose. You said you'd love to point to your home on her globes And if you were alien, she'd be the first that you'd probe And now you made her feel awkward tryin' to spit some game But now you're spittin' up blood, 'cuz she got good aim And in a fit of frustration, you called her a witch And there you see, there's the reason she turned out to be a bit Agitated, and that's where you took a bad turn Well, homie, there's some things that you got to learn Squeezing is for Play Dough, mo' than women's breasts They'd rather be treated like humans, I'm sho' they will attest Your job's to care for feelings, not to screw with every hole Until you're with your final partner, your shlong's for the toilet bowl First of all, realize there's a place and a time Really far into the future to say what's on your mind If you try to rush things, your chances are gone Only in a garden should you get the hose turned on So to be in a position where you won't be hurtin' Start by talking to her like a regular person Learn about what all she does with her life, About her work and her hobbies, and the things that she likes You might find out she's into fly paper origami And that in her job of studying archaeology She's learned how to barbeque meat from a T-rex Now tell me, ain't that a lot more interesting than sex? Invite her to lunch, maybe offer to pay, Even if she gets a lobster-zebra-caramel souffle Compliment her somehow, let her build up some trust, But don't address the ta-tas, or the whole thing's a bust If she don't wanna date you, let her go, you'll be fine If she does, remember, take things a step at a time Let your comfort levels with each other grow for a while, And once you're sure you're happy, then you can file For a marriage license, and after wedding day When you know that you're both committed to stay And only when you both agree to it, is that the time when You can get to 69th base, but until then... Squeezing is for Play Dough, mo' than women's breasts They'd rather be treated like humans, I'm sho' they will attest Your job's to care for feelings, not to screw with every hole Until you're with your final partner, your shlong's for the toilet bowl (No, don't go after her, you already failed with her once! She already knows your failed attempt, the new one won't work on her! Bro, you need to try a fresh chick! Man, that didn't sound right)
3.
To the girl at the cash register, You are incredible in what you do. You give a true sense of love being in the air at this time of year. I could never ask for anyone better. Your desire to be there for me has made me feel like a million dollars. More so around this time of year than any other. Will you continue to make me happy, so that I can feel a sense of freedom and paradise? Sincerely, The CEO of Hallmark. P.S. in case this letter could be open to misinterpretation, this is a thank you note for all the extra money via sales you get me early February and October, nothing more.
4.
Duck Face 02:52
Life is quite the crazy game in the dating world It can drive downright insane attention craving girls Their hopes to impress us turn into messes Duck Face, woo ooh. On the net, they're up there making Duck Face, woo ooh Their "I must hide my natural look which sucks" face, woo ooh When it seems their love life just can not get richer They'll attempt to speed it up with dumb pictures Guys who are shallow will more likely follow Duck Face, woo ooh. On the net, they're up there making Duck Face, woo ooh Their "I must hide my natural look which sucks" face, woo ooh D-d-d-danger, no one likes you Can't wait 'til the right one finds you What to do? Just show off with your duck face Duck Face, woo ooh. Lips out puckered, looking kissy, duck face, woo ooh Laptops kissed by guys with a poor schmuck face, woo ooh D-d-d-danger, no one likes you Can't wait 'til the right one finds you What to do? Just show off with your... Duck Face, woo ooh. Lips out puckered, looking kissy, duck face, woo ooh Laptops kissed by guys with a poor schmuck face, woo ooh I made a song that bashes girls with duck face, woo ooh To make it clear that I've not been through that phase, woo ooh Of kissing laptops with pictures of duck face, woo ooh
5.
Creeper 10:03
Lurking through this dark night I see her through the window of the shelter that she built My rationality leaves me The feelings of getting to her far outweigh the guilt No longer needing to wander I'd go straight for where she is right now If I didn't have to fight this wall My sights are set on her There's no one else nearby I'll stay eerily close At least until it's day It doesn't matter to me If I've been caught by her eyes I'll look for an open passage As if I'm programmed this way Hide all you want, my dear Your torches won't protect you forever Through your window I peer I have no fear I won't be stuck outside I don't care what you think of me The skeletons, I have no need to hide My sights are set on her There's no one else nearby I'll stay eerily close At least until it's day It doesn't matter to me If I've been caught by her eyes I'll look for an open passage As if I'm programmed this way (I like that I can get near you) I see that you're trying to hide (I don't like that you want to get away) What might you find by digging your way out? (I like that nice everything you've got there!!!) It's too dark! It's too dangerous! Might I suggest you avoid the risk And just let me in the door? Or do you wish to sleep upon it And hope you'll wake up to find My presence is no longer here anymore? (Who is he?) Who is this person who's entered your world? Is he out killing pigs and sheep In order to feed this trapped, helpless girl? Dude! I'll chase someone new, Soon as he attempts to come through! He'll be the closest, and I won't ignore When he attempts to get through that door! I'm green and ready to explode! And it will kill me to kill him... But I must... My focus moves to you You're nearest to me I'm gonna hunt you down Full assault's my mode I don't care how you feel So make a plan to flee But as I'm getting near It's time that I explode Your death Is now... Mine too! I'm off in the distance I come around and notice the explosion I see half of a shelter And I see her and put my plans in motion Thank you, my friend For opening up that door for me And also blowing up my potential distraction Hello, my dear I found you right where I want you to be The same plans my friend had for you are mine to put in action And as I get near to you and explode, Your death Is now... Mine too!
6.
Jeux san Machines Jeux san Machines Jeux san Machines Jeux san Machines Alex played with Roger, Josh played with Ranae. These were the ways of my childhood, Things aren't the same today Sara plays a Gameboy. Nathan, PSP. Ann plays tag with computer-underscore-player 43. Whistling tunes programmers include in the soundtrack Playing each stage as they're disengaged from the real world It's a blot out To the days I look back when kids would interact in Games without machines, in social settings. To the days I look back when kids would interact in Games without machines, in social settings. Games without machines, in social settings. Jeux san Machines Jeux san Machines Jeux san Machines Teachers pry them off them and try to teach them life Lindsay's game has a laser beam which can't hit whom she'd like Parents sitting idle, passing off the blame Companies found in lawsuits being called rude names Raising their fists, the parents won't listen to reason Showing their rage while they're disengaged from their kids' lives It's a blot out To the days I look back when kids would interact in Games without machines, in social settings. To the days I look back when kids would interact in Games without machines, in social settings. Games without machines, in social settings. Jeux san Machines (repeat to fade)
7.
Congratulations, you beat the boss I suppose you want his paycheck Well, a video game boss doesn't work the same way This song as a reward, then, will have to do And you'll have a chance to support it On iTunes or Amazon as a 99 cent pay I've seen this tactic in "You have to burn the rope." Same as well for the Portal games And now as you hear this song, you'll want to spread the word I'm forcing toe-tapping and plugging with no shame So now I'm getting gimmicky With a cheap trick towards popularity By doing an obligatory End-of-game catchy song Hot new game released online, Hot guy singing the ending song Hey, until you see my face, you can use your imagination It's a first step out of a regular job Hoping sales can reach triple digits Yeah, okay, that figure's probably an exaggeration I must confess to you I wrote this entire song Before I detailed out my game And doing floor plans the levels probably took less work But hey, whatever it takes to acquire fame! So now I'm getting gimmicky With a cheap trick towards popularity By doing an obligatory End-of-game catchy song
8.
Ladies and gentlemen running Facebook, I have called this meeting together so that I can talk about the new changes I have in store for Facebook. So, let's begin... First of all, a little rearranging is in order 'Cause it's been a few months since we had our last makeover Yes, I realize, most our users will be quite upset 'Cause they can't stand some changes messing with their fragile heads Despite the fact there's logic into all of my decrees Though I don't have an interior decoration degree I figured out what aspects of my site are used the most So here's the new layout I'm about to have proposed People don't read the feeds of people at random They go straight for their lists for who they want to read from So why not put a menu with the options in the center So their browsing will be quicker, easier, and better More time to comment or get games in full swing And of course, new styles aren't an optional thing All our users have been decent at being good sports, So what's wrong with a superior layout being forced? Plain text updates will have their own category, Separated from links or game update stories, And charts with boxes you can check will let you choose Who and what with who you want to see with the news Now that my layout plans are done, it's time to expand Adding other features is the next issue at hand So that with our next update we can give them more, So this is the part where you guys take the floor. So, what do you wanna see? Let's hear all your creative ideas! (DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!) Yeah, great idea, let's keep 'em all comin' (DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!) You said that already! Come on, what else, something? (DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!) Come on, I know you got way more ideas than that! (DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!) Alright, I'm taking over our Facebook chat! I realize there are times when one is in need But if you go to YouTube, you can see where it leads It's an easy method for anonymous hate For any rep-conscious troll, it's an easy gate Imagine how negative our site would appear If we allowed dislikes to be a feature here A high dislike count could make people ashamed To like the things they really like, and could they be blamed? And what about changed relationship updates? If person A's new partner is someone person C hates Or if person A was person C's crush The dislike button would allow way too much It's bad enough we can like when someone's changed to single Dislike buttons'll cause problems with which we shouldn't mingle Sure it's easy to comment when someone gets heated But unlike likes, comments can be deleted! Take time to process this information... Got it? Good. Moving on... More features and expansions are what we need In order to keep our users appeased So, I have some ideas for what we can do And I'd like to give you all a brief overview First of all, too many sites have been spared From our handy little button which lets you share Users can link each other their favorite songs Or what games they played and scored high on But it's not enough, and we can't leave it alone, They can't share that they added balance to their prepaid phone Or did their tax returns or banking online So let's offer those options up for next time Because people like learning what their friends' lives entail By reading their news feeds for every detail So users should be allowed to share where they stick their nose Except their favorite porn sites, we don't need to know about those Next thing to fix is the ads on the side Not everyone's single needing a boost to their pride They can't be all about meeting sexy girls or cute hunks Because you never know, some of our users could be monks I know the ads are really balanced, and our statistics show this But those are the only ones anyone has noticed Even though the ads should line up with their interests No one pays any mind, making companies profitless So to amend this loss before a business is dead Don't track their interests, track comments instead For key phrases like "could use" or "want," Then use that to determine the ads on the front Of their page, and those would more quickly catch their eye Because a normal ad they would all pass by But something as abstract as a spider bathroom stall Would get them interested, if they wrote about that on their wall These ads would get far more users interested, Even if this stuff still has yet to be invented Worthwhile income is a user's click away, Inventing these will be up to them some other day. One more thing, remember the days When Superpoke was a really huge craze? Doing nothing more than poking can be a bore Let's revive superpoke, have more options in store Have the usual, hug, tickle, or add more Like whack in the head with a 2 by 4 With an explanation box as a handy tool Because a whack in the head with no reason is cruel. Okay, I've brought forward ideas, maybe you guys have thought of others. So, what do you all think we should work on first? (DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!) I meant out of the ideas *I* had in mind (DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!) Okay, well, this meeting was a waste of time. So, you know what, you all go on doing what you've been doing to maintain the site as it is, I'm gonna go work on a like button for likes. Yeah, liking comments wasn't enough. I can't wait for it, "You like that Mark Zuckerburg likes this." Oh yeah, it can be an endless spiral, we'll get used endlessly, I can see it now!
9.
*sound of dog drinking out of toilet* Excuse me, Rover, can you move out of the way a moment, please? I gotta use the restroom. *Woof* Good boy. *sound of peeing in toilet, followed by drinking* QUIT DRINKING MY PEE STREAM! *dog whimpering* (during this next paragraph, there's flushing and washing hands) I mean, really, I appreciate you trying to cut down on our water bill because of the economy and all, but the money it would cost the vet to heal you is more than we save by making sure you only drink clean water, by a longshot! I mean seriously, I don't know where that cheeseburger has been, except for in the middle of the parking lot, even though it was wrapped. I'm concerned for your safety, that's all. There, it's all clean for you. *Woof, followed by drinking*
10.
Pinkie Pie 03:13
Bouncing happy pastry parties! She's our Pinkie Pie For every occasion, a party surprise Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah At Sugar Cube Corner, baking some sweets Throwin' random parties for whomever she meets Munching on a cupcake coverd with a spice Then making us laugh with her sugar-fueled hype, yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, bringin' out a smile, being funny and random Even when it's hard to find an understandin' Using the most unusual of ways Only hoping to make the sides of our mouths raise Making our days brighter than summer Don't even try, 'cause you can't hide from her She's our Pinkie Pie For every occasion, a party surprise Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside Sweet Pinkie Pie, oh yeah She's our Pinkie Pie Able to reverse any gloom-filled times Lights everybody's and everypony's lives Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah Caring that you're happy, caring 'bout your joy In your worst of days, a happy song she'll employ Even if you feel like you'd rather be dead With Pinkie there's always happiness ahead Making our days brighter than summer Don't even try, 'cause you can't hide from her She's our Pinkie Pie For every occasion, a party surprise Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside Sweet Pinkie Pie, oh yeah She's our Pinkie Pie Able to reverse any gloom-filled times Lights everybody's and everypony's lives Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah Pie, yeah (PARTY!) (PARTY!) She'll find any reason to... Party for new ponies, party for her friends Party for any significant events Party for her fans, so I can always dream For writing this song she'll throw a party for me! She's our Pinkie Pie For every occasion, a party surprise Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside Sweet Pinkie Pie, oh yeah She's our Pinkie Pie Able to reverse any gloom-filled times Lights everybody's and everypony's lives Sweet Pinkie Pie, Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah (PARTY!)
11.
Many are dressed as zombies and ghosts Some may be demons with fires that roast Others are icons from pop culture of today Hidden among the walking forms of decay Some costumes are meant to confuse Others are made to leave people amused And then there are those destined to cause fear Tell me, what are YOU going to be this year? Driving through a neighborhood full of kids, Dreaming of the things I wanna be. I don't have costume ideas in mind right now, I just wanna be free. And I won't be helping kids get tummy aches Or making dentists deal with cavities Instead I'm feeding all the hungry adults With dough, sauce, pepperoni, and cheese. And the adults expect some speed Which is impossible when kids run right out into the street And I have to not make a bloody mess But yet still feed the stay-at-home candy passer outers, trying to do so in thirty minutes or less My halloween costume is a pizza man, But that's not by my choice Nor is it that of any employee, But our sales have the bigger voice But I'd hate to think of how it would go down If someone walked the neighborhood in their town In a pizza man costume by their own free will, Oh, I can imagine the scenarios now... "Hello sir! I like your costume! Do you perhaps want to trade?" "I don't actually have pizza on me, I'm just a trick-or-treater" "Well, I didn't wanna give you candy anyway!" "Daddy, daddy, it's a pizza man! Do they have pizzas with candy bars?" "He doesn't look legit, I really wouldn't trust him, Not with 'free pizza' written on the side of his car!" "I want a pizza now! AND all this candy! I'll eat it all in a day!" "It's one or the other, and in small doses, Your health comes first, sorry to say." "I'll make a candy pizza then, cookies on the bottom, Topped with nerds and runts! OH! Also some chiclets, Ooh, and these tootsie rolls!" "How many trips to the dentist do you want?" ("Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...") My halloween costume is a pizza man, But that's not by my choice Though it might be fun to mess with people's heads, My conscience has the bigger voice I'm stuck with this fate all night long While imagining ways it can go oh so wrong Good thing I have no need to make this all real But oh, let me go home now!
12.
We could have a world of love We could have a world of peace We could have a world where we all get along If we could put all squabbles at ease A world where we didn't have to fight I'm sure we can picture it in our minds We don't need to be a troubled world If our attitudes could be more kind A world where everyone was nice Would be ideal, I'm sure you all would say It's a world that stands as a possibility There's just one obstacle in the way... HATRED NEEDS TO DIE! HATRED NEEDS TO DIE! HATRED NEEDS TO DIE! HATRED NEEDS TO DIE! HATRED NEEDS TO BE BLUDGEONED WITH A SPIKY WEAPON, THEN REVIVED BACK TO LIFE JUST LONG ENOUGH TO BE BEHEADED, THEN HAVE ITS HEAD SUPERGLUED BACK ON SO IT DOESN'T DIE JUST YET, THEN BE GUTTED AND STABBED AND THROWN DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND CRUSHED BY A HUGE BOULDER AND WHIPPED AGAINST A WALL AND KICKED HARD AND RIPPED APART AND TORN TO SHREDS AND SENT THROUGH THE INCINERATOR, THEN FINALLY BLOWN UP SO ITS BLOOD, FECAL MATTER, AND ENTRAILS ARE ALL SCATTERED ACROSS THE FLOOR... Which would leave us left with love, And nothing more.
13.
Imagine Heaven as a place Where potential pain will have no space Scenarios that feature qualms Will not belong where everything is calm And all the sports that could be violent, Will all be immediately silenced But there would be a golf course where we can play, Since golf was made to be peaceful anyway Just some friendly competition, no accidental incisions or heavy basketballs bashing in your head Heated fighting is a no, keep the scores and temper low Only the pencils are how we see red Even the things that people cursed Will just be laughable in this new universe And there will be no painful cries When the sand you swipe gets into your eyes Losing a ball in the woods will not frustrate you until you could Hurl your club all the way into the water Even if you did, the water's clean, not filled with dirt or chlorine You can put your eyes in to see and not be bothered Losing a ball in the woods will not frustrate you until you could Hurl your club all the way into the water Even if you did, the water's clean, not filled with dirt or chlorine You can put your eyes in to see and not be bothered
14.
I live in a suburb that I've grown to love One that I've known for 17 years But I have a side with a sense of adventure And it's time for my life to be switching gears Now here, I've met you, in an unknown town One that I don't understand, though I try Where I have to go off exaggerated stories Bent on making me scared for my life I've only seen a few dangerous encounters I don't know what else this town has up its sleeve And though you assure me the exaggeration's a joke I still fight myself in trying to believe People might think I'd be crazy to move here And whether I am may or may not be true And though I still approach this town with a hint of fear I'd still learn to adapt just for you You mean that much to me. One day, when I've been here for many years We'll look back on the days when I didn't know The traffic I've witnessed isn't always bad And laugh at my uncertainty further down the road People might think I'd be crazy to move here And whether I am may or may not be true And though I still approach this town with a hint of fear I'd still learn to adapt just for you You mean that much to me. One day, when I've been here for many years We'll look back on the days when I didn't know The traffic I've witnessed isn't always bad And laugh at my uncertainty further down the road
15.
Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me I got a beat that'll get stuck in your head I got plenty of dough, but only in the form of bread I got tunes that flow in line just like a train And lyrics so weird that they'll stupefy your brain I got a mouth that speaks like it's on coffee And a mind that no one dares to copy And everyone knows that my music is def, Okay, maybe it makes some people wish they was deaf I got the sound that will make you dance I've talked to millions of girls, all bothersome ants I was raging war with, then went on a spraying spree 'Cause no one fends off haters better than me! I take music, an art that's always immortal, Add some humor that's warped like the action through portals You will be astounded by the lunacy And maybe draw influence, but you'll never be me! Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me I'm a unique blend, ain't no mistakin' Try to mix my ingredients, you obviously fakin' Unless you're an exact duplicate of myself, At which point, we should all fear for our mental health I'm proud of who I am, and it isn't you So if you keep tryin' to do what I do You may find yourself in obscurity 'Cause no one can be me better than me But so I don't come across as an arrogant prick I gotta remind you of your own unique tricks To which nothing I can do will compare Just so you're not left in complete despair But still, to myself, I gotta stay proud As that's what apparently pleases the crowds But too much over-confidence I gotta suppress So that I'm not portrayed negatively by the press! Only I'm the real me, I hope you got that I don't wanna see you tryin' to be a copycat I keep it real, that makes me cool Once you become a poser, you become a fool But remember, I'm not a better person overall And to claim to be so would take a lot of gall So if you wanna feel like you're as good as me Start doin' what's your own freakin' specialty! Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me Do It Like You, Do It Like You, Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't... (Ian): What's that kid, you think this is easy? But there's no way you're as awesome as me! Me and my crew don't kick it like you Got so much cash, I own 38 pairs of shoes! Got a girl on each arm whenever I play a gig My bulldog is small but my car is so big You get this? You dig? Do you understand? I know this rap game like the back of my hand My success was all planned, carefully orchestrated I can't count all the supermodels that I have dated! I'm living the life you only wish that you had No one can compete with this level of swag I'm livin' in riches, you're dressin' in rags Got a *golden* spoon, cause on silver I gag While you're having nightmares, I'm living the dream And I clearly don't have issues with my self esteem (D): Yo man, what'cha doin'? Are you tryin' to make a mess Of the minds society thrusts on us to impress? Showing these kids they're important too is our job Because no one wants to follow a self-centered snob (I): No, you're wrong, they follow me by their own free will Because I draw them in with my unstoppable skills People willingly rank me on top with the pimps, So, how big's your army of motivational shrimps? Those kids know I'm the definition of cool! (D): Which you know means they're gonna emulate that in school They'll act like they're on top because they're copying you And then try to talk down to some muscly dude Who'll break their limbs off and then have them repeatedly socked (I): That's "survival of the fittest", and I've got it on lock! Only I can be me, that's even what YOU said! (D): So now you're making ME look hypocritical and brain dead? (I): You did that yourself! I didn't even have to try, Man, you look so embarassed, maybe run home and cry To your mommy, proving yourself a big baby, Just like all the other wannabes trying to play me (D): Except that some of them might not even have a mom, Or for that matter, anyone they can rely on That could lead them to serious depression And then, because of the economical recession They won't be able to afford therapy (I): Wait, what happened to rapping with comedy? (D): Do you not think that it would hurt your pride When there's a rise in the number of suicides? And the media blames you and sends you backlash? (I): Suicides? Are you serious? 'Cause I rap about cash? Ok I admit it, I'm a horrible person! Thank you for all of the sense that you are dispersin' I guess I never really thought of it fully That all my bragadoccio could make me a bully But I got the point now, and the light I am seein' So, shut up, Derwood! (D): Somebody Slap Ian! (I): Well, that wasn't very nice. I'm sorry I said shut up. Pals?
16.
[I.Overture] No one knows the hour or the day ----------------------------------- [II.Creation of the Tzolkin and Haab] The numbers 20 and 13 Our sacred numbers bring to being A calendar to use as commonplace But this is not a solar year So in concurrence, as I feared, Two calendars, why must we complicate? We are the brains put in charge of our timeframes And our cultural background makes things fail to work We are the brains burdened badly by our timeframes All because our Earth chose to be a jerk Months of 20 put in place Give us 360 days This misalignment brought the demons' wrath 5 days where we must feel defeat Make the solar year complete The gods will punish us for crappy math We are the brains put in charge of our timeframes And our cultural background makes things fail to work We are the brains burdened badly by our timeframes All because our Earth chose to be a jerk ----------------------------------- [III.Long Count Calendar, Mushrooms, and Revelation] We have a Long Count calendar We can use it, to track history It's got not many uses beyond that A break for lunch sounds good to me Two mushrooms for appetizers A couple more left on my plate I think that they're talking to me About the world, and its sealed fate I'm sorry that I ate your brothers I'll go share this prophecy Send my regards to your family The people must hear this from me ----------------------------------- [IV.Presentation and Dismissal of Prophecies] I know this sounds unusual Let's make it understood That I heard it from the oracles Of the mushrooms in the woods I have an exact date When the planets will form a line We could be in for incredible change Or maybe even the end times Yes, we've heard it all before But we question the source The shrooms that made my brother see A cow riding a horse No need to fear, our would is fine Enough with your jokes And one more thing, mushrooms are food They're not meant to be smoked There's more than just the mushroom I think there's a greater being This message from an oracle Just think what it could mean Maybe a pole reversal Or we'll hit a black hole There could be a spiritual transformation That changes the world as a whole Don't annoy us further Oh, this crap's below our rank Take it to the scientists They'll give it to you frank No one that year will fill with fear They'll tell you on the spot Forget about your theory Your shrooms have gone to pot ----------------------------------- [V.Media overdose of fear] I plopped my butt down to watch TV The end of times, they're telling me Is coming soon, they say it's fact Kids: How will they react? The kids will now drop out of school To go do things they think are cool Since there's no time for heart attacks Try mixing bacon, snuff, and crack Rob their favorite place to shop Then try to run it past all the cops It's pointless to lock me up here 'Cause we'll be dead within this year Wishing this crap world would end This final countdown they'll pretend Is the real deal, so they'll declare Let's trash our lives without a care I can't wait to see how they feel Come next year! ----------------------------------- [VI.People who gave up schooling to find out the prophecy failed need brains] The year is 2013 I can't believe I'm not dead I'm locked up with insanity I make out with my bed My crazed mind thinks that my blanket Is made up of TP Just think that I could not be stopped If I saw this was a flop I don't think I can return Can return to a normal human life I've rotted away all my intelligence I'm desperate... for BRAINS!!!!!! ----------------------------------- [VII.Zombie Apocalypse] (ongoing various collage of zombies yelling "BRAINS!!!!!") (dumb guy): Huhuhuhuh, zombies all walked away from me. Huhuhuhu. That means I... that means I... uh... uh... (long pause) BRAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNNSSSS!!!!!!!!!

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released October 20, 2013

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Derwood Bowen Columbus, Ohio

Music in a fairly wide array of genres, with my own unusual sense of humor thrown in. I mainly make music for the purpose of entertaining people.

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