Get all 8 Derwood Bowen releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Ace Of All Trades, Passing With Levitating Colors, Sacre Boooo, Lightbulb-Eating Selfie, Throwbacks, Screw You, Mayan Predictions, I've Made Another Album, Slap Unhappy, and A-Dork-Able.
1. |
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Hello world, here I am, aspiring young star
Wanting YouTube to see my talents
Overnight sensation, with the
"Dislike" to "Like" ratio out of balance.
Instant attention, malicious intentions
I'm just a young teen making the scene
Wanting to share my voice with the world
And just sing happily,
But what do my listeners want from me?
Death, death, death, death
Wishing on me nothing but my very last breath, breath
And not from old age, 'cause that would take too long
They want me gutted, shredded, or knifed
Or clobbered to death by an angry deer's hooves
Death, death, death, death
Even though it would be more satisfying to improve
All I want is encouragement or critical advice
Like "expand your range" or "make the music clash less"
Or that the line about hating chocolate root beer
Doesn't fit in the song at all
Yeah, so I'm not productive
Medically, politically, or scientifically
But a bright, poppy song can brighten someone's day,
But that as a goal isn't good enough for you?
No, it's only...
Death, death, death, death
Wishing on me nothing but my very last breath, breath
Be it from blood evaporation
Be it from black ice radiation
Be it from armpit hair mutation
Into a dinosaur.
Hey world, here we are on YouTube
Now take it away, cool rap dude!
Makin' sick music, jammin' wit ma peeps
World catchin' on quick to earworm beats
Get a rappa' in da song, fo' an extra crowd
Gettin' mo' suckas singin' it out loud
Wit' dis success, each human expects
All ot'ers to anticipate what comes next
But if dey not sing dat great
It drives da population irate
Where dey make a giant online movement
'Stead o' hopin' fo' signs o' improvement
From youngstas like Black and Bieber
Da 'net only be pleased when they meet dere...
Death, death, death, death
Wishing on us nothing but our very last breath, breath
For being a cheesy pop sensation
Or having a friendly association
We're causing an earworm infestation
And YouTube can take their pointless hatin'
'Cause we're gonna have people dancin'
Until a natural, old age, death death death death!
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2. |
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This is for all the hip hop dudes that think it's all about how many women you can get to desire you to fondle them or have sex with them. I'm-a show you how it really works!
Squeezing is for Play Dough, mo' than women's breasts
They'd rather be treated like humans, I'm sho' they will attest
Your job's to care for feelings, not to screw with every hole
Until you're with your final partner, your shlong's for the toilet bowl
So you studied the hip hop culture of today
And you learned that dudes and chicks are viewed in different ways
But yet still can live lives of love and harmony
If the girls can stand livin' with misogyny
And everywhere you go, it's what folks be bumpin' to
So you assume they all carry that point of view
And let that decide how you treat the girls
And find yourself attempting that in the real world
Now, some chicks aren't aware that's what they've heard
'Cause they turned up the bass so loud they drowned out the words
But others are aware of what they actually say
But are really only in it for the beats anyway
Just because they act silly at a party or two
Doesn't mean being forward wins their favor to you
But you learned that the hard way, in an absence of glory
And now I have to hear your pathetic sob story
'Bout how you failed hard with this chick named Rebecca
As you're crying to me calling her a heartwrecker
'Cause she quickly said no when you made your moves,
Then you tell me what you said that made you lose.
You said you'd love to point to your home on her globes
And if you were alien, she'd be the first that you'd probe
And now you made her feel awkward tryin' to spit some game
But now you're spittin' up blood, 'cuz she got good aim
And in a fit of frustration, you called her a witch
And there you see, there's the reason she turned out to be a bit
Agitated, and that's where you took a bad turn
Well, homie, there's some things that you got to learn
Squeezing is for Play Dough, mo' than women's breasts
They'd rather be treated like humans, I'm sho' they will attest
Your job's to care for feelings, not to screw with every hole
Until you're with your final partner, your shlong's for the toilet bowl
First of all, realize there's a place and a time
Really far into the future to say what's on your mind
If you try to rush things, your chances are gone
Only in a garden should you get the hose turned on
So to be in a position where you won't be hurtin'
Start by talking to her like a regular person
Learn about what all she does with her life,
About her work and her hobbies, and the things that she likes
You might find out she's into fly paper origami
And that in her job of studying archaeology
She's learned how to barbeque meat from a T-rex
Now tell me, ain't that a lot more interesting than sex?
Invite her to lunch, maybe offer to pay,
Even if she gets a lobster-zebra-caramel souffle
Compliment her somehow, let her build up some trust,
But don't address the ta-tas, or the whole thing's a bust
If she don't wanna date you, let her go, you'll be fine
If she does, remember, take things a step at a time
Let your comfort levels with each other grow for a while,
And once you're sure you're happy, then you can file
For a marriage license, and after wedding day
When you know that you're both committed to stay
And only when you both agree to it, is that the time when
You can get to 69th base, but until then...
Squeezing is for Play Dough, mo' than women's breasts
They'd rather be treated like humans, I'm sho' they will attest
Your job's to care for feelings, not to screw with every hole
Until you're with your final partner, your shlong's for the toilet bowl
(No, don't go after her, you already failed with her once! She already knows your failed attempt, the new one won't work on her! Bro, you need to try a fresh chick! Man, that didn't sound right)
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3. |
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To the girl at the cash register,
You are incredible in what you do. You give a true sense of love being in the air at this time of year. I could never ask for anyone better. Your desire to be there for me has made me feel like a million dollars. More so around this time of year than any other. Will you continue to make me happy, so that I can feel a sense of freedom and paradise?
Sincerely,
The CEO of Hallmark.
P.S. in case this letter could be open to misinterpretation, this is a thank you note for all the extra money via sales you get me early February and October, nothing more.
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4. |
Duck Face
02:52
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Life is quite the crazy game in the dating world
It can drive downright insane attention craving girls
Their hopes to impress us turn into messes
Duck Face, woo ooh.
On the net, they're up there making Duck Face, woo ooh
Their "I must hide my natural look which sucks" face, woo ooh
When it seems their love life just can not get richer
They'll attempt to speed it up with dumb pictures
Guys who are shallow will more likely follow
Duck Face, woo ooh.
On the net, they're up there making Duck Face, woo ooh
Their "I must hide my natural look which sucks" face, woo ooh
D-d-d-danger, no one likes you
Can't wait 'til the right one finds you
What to do? Just show off with your duck face
Duck Face, woo ooh.
Lips out puckered, looking kissy, duck face, woo ooh
Laptops kissed by guys with a poor schmuck face, woo ooh
D-d-d-danger, no one likes you
Can't wait 'til the right one finds you
What to do? Just show off with your...
Duck Face, woo ooh.
Lips out puckered, looking kissy, duck face, woo ooh
Laptops kissed by guys with a poor schmuck face, woo ooh
I made a song that bashes girls with duck face, woo ooh
To make it clear that I've not been through that phase, woo ooh
Of kissing laptops with pictures of duck face, woo ooh
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5. |
Creeper
10:03
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Lurking through this dark night
I see her through the window of the shelter that she built
My rationality leaves me
The feelings of getting to her far outweigh the guilt
No longer needing to wander
I'd go straight for where she is right now
If I didn't have to fight this wall
My sights are set on her
There's no one else nearby
I'll stay eerily close
At least until it's day
It doesn't matter to me
If I've been caught by her eyes
I'll look for an open passage
As if I'm programmed this way
Hide all you want, my dear
Your torches won't protect you forever
Through your window I peer
I have no fear
I won't be stuck outside
I don't care what you think of me
The skeletons, I have no need to hide
My sights are set on her
There's no one else nearby
I'll stay eerily close
At least until it's day
It doesn't matter to me
If I've been caught by her eyes
I'll look for an open passage
As if I'm programmed this way
(I like that I can get near you)
I see that you're trying to hide
(I don't like that you want to get away)
What might you find by digging your way out?
(I like that nice everything you've got there!!!)
It's too dark!
It's too dangerous!
Might I suggest you avoid the risk
And just let me in the door?
Or do you wish to sleep upon it
And hope you'll wake up to find
My presence is no longer here anymore?
(Who is he?)
Who is this person who's entered your world?
Is he out killing pigs and sheep
In order to feed this trapped, helpless girl?
Dude! I'll chase someone new,
Soon as he attempts to come through!
He'll be the closest, and I won't ignore
When he attempts to get through that door!
I'm green and ready to explode!
And it will kill me to kill him...
But I must...
My focus moves to you
You're nearest to me
I'm gonna hunt you down
Full assault's my mode
I don't care how you feel
So make a plan to flee
But as I'm getting near
It's time that I explode
Your death
Is now...
Mine too!
I'm off in the distance
I come around and notice the explosion
I see half of a shelter
And I see her and put my plans in motion
Thank you, my friend
For opening up that door for me
And also blowing up my potential distraction
Hello, my dear
I found you right where I want you to be
The same plans my friend had for you are mine to put in action
And as I get near to you and explode,
Your death
Is now...
Mine too!
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6. |
Games Without Machines
03:57
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Jeux san Machines
Jeux san Machines
Jeux san Machines
Jeux san Machines
Alex played with Roger, Josh played with Ranae.
These were the ways of my childhood, Things aren't the same today
Sara plays a Gameboy. Nathan, PSP.
Ann plays tag with computer-underscore-player 43.
Whistling tunes programmers include in the soundtrack
Playing each stage as they're disengaged from the real world
It's a blot out
To the days I look back when kids would interact in
Games without machines, in social settings.
To the days I look back when kids would interact in
Games without machines, in social settings.
Games without machines, in social settings.
Jeux san Machines
Jeux san Machines
Jeux san Machines
Teachers pry them off them and try to teach them life
Lindsay's game has a laser beam which can't hit whom she'd like
Parents sitting idle, passing off the blame
Companies found in lawsuits being called rude names
Raising their fists, the parents won't listen to reason
Showing their rage while they're disengaged from their kids' lives
It's a blot out
To the days I look back when kids would interact in
Games without machines, in social settings.
To the days I look back when kids would interact in
Games without machines, in social settings.
Games without machines, in social settings.
Jeux san Machines (repeat to fade)
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7. |
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Congratulations, you beat the boss
I suppose you want his paycheck
Well, a video game boss doesn't work the same way
This song as a reward, then, will have to do
And you'll have a chance to support it
On iTunes or Amazon as a 99 cent pay
I've seen this tactic in "You have to burn the rope."
Same as well for the Portal games
And now as you hear this song, you'll want to spread the word
I'm forcing toe-tapping and plugging with no shame
So now I'm getting gimmicky
With a cheap trick towards popularity
By doing an obligatory
End-of-game catchy song
Hot new game released online,
Hot guy singing the ending song
Hey, until you see my face, you can use your imagination
It's a first step out of a regular job
Hoping sales can reach triple digits
Yeah, okay, that figure's probably an exaggeration
I must confess to you I wrote this entire song
Before I detailed out my game
And doing floor plans the levels probably took less work
But hey, whatever it takes to acquire fame!
So now I'm getting gimmicky
With a cheap trick towards popularity
By doing an obligatory
End-of-game catchy song
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8. |
Facebook Meeting
05:41
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Ladies and gentlemen running Facebook, I have called this meeting together so that I can talk about the new changes I have in store for Facebook. So, let's begin...
First of all, a little rearranging is in order
'Cause it's been a few months since we had our last makeover
Yes, I realize, most our users will be quite upset
'Cause they can't stand some changes messing with their fragile heads
Despite the fact there's logic into all of my decrees
Though I don't have an interior decoration degree
I figured out what aspects of my site are used the most
So here's the new layout I'm about to have proposed
People don't read the feeds of people at random
They go straight for their lists for who they want to read from
So why not put a menu with the options in the center
So their browsing will be quicker, easier, and better
More time to comment or get games in full swing
And of course, new styles aren't an optional thing
All our users have been decent at being good sports,
So what's wrong with a superior layout being forced?
Plain text updates will have their own category,
Separated from links or game update stories,
And charts with boxes you can check will let you choose
Who and what with who you want to see with the news
Now that my layout plans are done, it's time to expand
Adding other features is the next issue at hand
So that with our next update we can give them more,
So this is the part where you guys take the floor.
So, what do you wanna see? Let's hear all your creative ideas!
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Yeah, great idea, let's keep 'em all comin'
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
You said that already! Come on, what else, something?
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Come on, I know you got way more ideas than that!
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Alright, I'm taking over our Facebook chat!
I realize there are times when one is in need
But if you go to YouTube, you can see where it leads
It's an easy method for anonymous hate
For any rep-conscious troll, it's an easy gate
Imagine how negative our site would appear
If we allowed dislikes to be a feature here
A high dislike count could make people ashamed
To like the things they really like, and could they be blamed?
And what about changed relationship updates?
If person A's new partner is someone person C hates
Or if person A was person C's crush
The dislike button would allow way too much
It's bad enough we can like when someone's changed to single
Dislike buttons'll cause problems with which we shouldn't mingle
Sure it's easy to comment when someone gets heated
But unlike likes, comments can be deleted!
Take time to process this information...
Got it? Good. Moving on...
More features and expansions are what we need
In order to keep our users appeased
So, I have some ideas for what we can do
And I'd like to give you all a brief overview
First of all, too many sites have been spared
From our handy little button which lets you share
Users can link each other their favorite songs
Or what games they played and scored high on
But it's not enough, and we can't leave it alone,
They can't share that they added balance to their prepaid phone
Or did their tax returns or banking online
So let's offer those options up for next time
Because people like learning what their friends' lives entail
By reading their news feeds for every detail
So users should be allowed to share where they stick their nose
Except their favorite porn sites, we don't need to know about those
Next thing to fix is the ads on the side
Not everyone's single needing a boost to their pride
They can't be all about meeting sexy girls or cute hunks
Because you never know, some of our users could be monks
I know the ads are really balanced, and our statistics show this
But those are the only ones anyone has noticed
Even though the ads should line up with their interests
No one pays any mind, making companies profitless
So to amend this loss before a business is dead
Don't track their interests, track comments instead
For key phrases like "could use" or "want,"
Then use that to determine the ads on the front
Of their page, and those would more quickly catch their eye
Because a normal ad they would all pass by
But something as abstract as a spider bathroom stall
Would get them interested, if they wrote about that on their wall
These ads would get far more users interested,
Even if this stuff still has yet to be invented
Worthwhile income is a user's click away,
Inventing these will be up to them some other day.
One more thing, remember the days
When Superpoke was a really huge craze?
Doing nothing more than poking can be a bore
Let's revive superpoke, have more options in store
Have the usual, hug, tickle, or add more
Like whack in the head with a 2 by 4
With an explanation box as a handy tool
Because a whack in the head with no reason is cruel.
Okay, I've brought forward ideas, maybe you guys have thought of others. So, what do you all think we should work on first?
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
I meant out of the ideas *I* had in mind
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Okay, well, this meeting was a waste of time.
So, you know what, you all go on doing what you've been doing to maintain the site as it is, I'm gonna go work on a like button for likes. Yeah, liking comments wasn't enough. I can't wait for it, "You like that Mark Zuckerburg likes this." Oh yeah, it can be an endless spiral, we'll get used endlessly, I can see it now!
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9. |
Restroom Break
01:04
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*sound of dog drinking out of toilet*
Excuse me, Rover, can you move out of the way a moment, please? I gotta use the restroom.
*Woof*
Good boy.
*sound of peeing in toilet, followed by drinking*
QUIT DRINKING MY PEE STREAM!
*dog whimpering*
(during this next paragraph, there's flushing and washing hands)
I mean, really, I appreciate you trying to cut down on our water bill because of the economy and all, but the money it would cost the vet to heal you is more than we save by making sure you only drink clean water, by a longshot! I mean seriously, I don't know where that cheeseburger has been, except for in the middle of the parking lot, even though it was wrapped. I'm concerned for your safety, that's all. There, it's all clean for you.
*Woof, followed by drinking*
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10. |
Pinkie Pie
03:13
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Bouncing happy pastry parties!
She's our Pinkie Pie
For every occasion, a party surprise
Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside
Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah
At Sugar Cube Corner, baking some sweets
Throwin' random parties for whomever she meets
Munching on a cupcake coverd with a spice
Then making us laugh with her sugar-fueled hype, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, bringin' out a smile, being funny and random
Even when it's hard to find an understandin'
Using the most unusual of ways
Only hoping to make the sides of our mouths raise
Making our days brighter than summer
Don't even try, 'cause you can't hide from her
She's our Pinkie Pie
For every occasion, a party surprise
Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside
Sweet Pinkie Pie, oh yeah
She's our Pinkie Pie
Able to reverse any gloom-filled times
Lights everybody's and everypony's lives
Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah
Caring that you're happy, caring 'bout your joy
In your worst of days, a happy song she'll employ
Even if you feel like you'd rather be dead
With Pinkie there's always happiness ahead
Making our days brighter than summer
Don't even try, 'cause you can't hide from her
She's our Pinkie Pie
For every occasion, a party surprise
Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside
Sweet Pinkie Pie, oh yeah
She's our Pinkie Pie
Able to reverse any gloom-filled times
Lights everybody's and everypony's lives
Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah
Pie, yeah
(PARTY!)
(PARTY!)
She'll find any reason to...
Party for new ponies, party for her friends
Party for any significant events
Party for her fans, so I can always dream
For writing this song she'll throw a party for me!
She's our Pinkie Pie
For every occasion, a party surprise
Bring you a smile and a warm heart inside
Sweet Pinkie Pie, oh yeah
She's our Pinkie Pie
Able to reverse any gloom-filled times
Lights everybody's and everypony's lives
Sweet Pinkie Pie, Sweet Pinkie Pie, yeah
(PARTY!)
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11. |
Pizza Man For Halloween
06:10
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Many are dressed as zombies and ghosts
Some may be demons with fires that roast
Others are icons from pop culture of today
Hidden among the walking forms of decay
Some costumes are meant to confuse
Others are made to leave people amused
And then there are those destined to cause fear
Tell me, what are YOU going to be this year?
Driving through a neighborhood full of kids,
Dreaming of the things I wanna be.
I don't have costume ideas in mind right now,
I just wanna be free.
And I won't be helping kids get tummy aches
Or making dentists deal with cavities
Instead I'm feeding all the hungry adults
With dough, sauce, pepperoni, and cheese.
And the adults expect some speed
Which is impossible when kids run right out into the street
And I have to not make a bloody mess
But yet still feed the stay-at-home candy passer outers,
trying to do so in thirty minutes or less
My halloween costume is a pizza man,
But that's not by my choice
Nor is it that of any employee,
But our sales have the bigger voice
But I'd hate to think of how it would go down
If someone walked the neighborhood in their town
In a pizza man costume by their own free will,
Oh, I can imagine the scenarios now...
"Hello sir! I like your costume!
Do you perhaps want to trade?"
"I don't actually have pizza on me, I'm just a trick-or-treater"
"Well, I didn't wanna give you candy anyway!"
"Daddy, daddy, it's a pizza man!
Do they have pizzas with candy bars?"
"He doesn't look legit, I really wouldn't trust him,
Not with 'free pizza' written on the side of his car!"
"I want a pizza now! AND all this candy!
I'll eat it all in a day!"
"It's one or the other, and in small doses,
Your health comes first, sorry to say."
"I'll make a candy pizza then, cookies on the bottom,
Topped with nerds and runts!
OH! Also some chiclets, Ooh, and these tootsie rolls!"
"How many trips to the dentist do you want?" ("Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...")
My halloween costume is a pizza man,
But that's not by my choice
Though it might be fun to mess with people's heads,
My conscience has the bigger voice
I'm stuck with this fate all night long
While imagining ways it can go oh so wrong
Good thing I have no need to make this all real
But oh, let me go home now!
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12. |
Hatred Needs To Die
03:22
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We could have a world of love
We could have a world of peace
We could have a world where we all get along
If we could put all squabbles at ease
A world where we didn't have to fight
I'm sure we can picture it in our minds
We don't need to be a troubled world
If our attitudes could be more kind
A world where everyone was nice
Would be ideal, I'm sure you all would say
It's a world that stands as a possibility
There's just one obstacle in the way...
HATRED NEEDS TO DIE!
HATRED NEEDS TO DIE!
HATRED NEEDS TO DIE!
HATRED NEEDS TO DIE!
HATRED NEEDS TO BE BLUDGEONED WITH A SPIKY WEAPON, THEN REVIVED BACK TO LIFE JUST LONG ENOUGH TO BE BEHEADED, THEN HAVE ITS HEAD SUPERGLUED BACK ON SO IT DOESN'T DIE JUST YET, THEN BE GUTTED AND STABBED AND THROWN DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND CRUSHED BY A HUGE BOULDER AND WHIPPED AGAINST A WALL AND KICKED HARD AND RIPPED APART AND TORN TO SHREDS AND SENT THROUGH THE INCINERATOR, THEN FINALLY BLOWN UP SO ITS BLOOD, FECAL MATTER, AND ENTRAILS ARE ALL SCATTERED ACROSS THE FLOOR...
Which would leave us left with love,
And nothing more.
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13. |
Golf Course In Heaven
03:37
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Imagine Heaven as a place
Where potential pain will have no space
Scenarios that feature qualms
Will not belong where everything is calm
And all the sports that could be violent,
Will all be immediately silenced
But there would be a golf course where we can play,
Since golf was made to be peaceful anyway
Just some friendly competition, no accidental incisions
or heavy basketballs bashing in your head
Heated fighting is a no, keep the scores and temper low
Only the pencils are how we see red
Even the things that people cursed
Will just be laughable in this new universe
And there will be no painful cries
When the sand you swipe gets into your eyes
Losing a ball in the woods will not frustrate you until you could
Hurl your club all the way into the water
Even if you did, the water's clean, not filled with dirt or chlorine
You can put your eyes in to see and not be bothered
Losing a ball in the woods will not frustrate you until you could
Hurl your club all the way into the water
Even if you did, the water's clean, not filled with dirt or chlorine
You can put your eyes in to see and not be bothered
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14. |
You Mean That Much To Me
03:46
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I live in a suburb that I've grown to love
One that I've known for 17 years
But I have a side with a sense of adventure
And it's time for my life to be switching gears
Now here, I've met you, in an unknown town
One that I don't understand, though I try
Where I have to go off exaggerated stories
Bent on making me scared for my life
I've only seen a few dangerous encounters
I don't know what else this town has up its sleeve
And though you assure me the exaggeration's a joke
I still fight myself in trying to believe
People might think I'd be crazy to move here
And whether I am may or may not be true
And though I still approach this town with a hint of fear
I'd still learn to adapt just for you
You mean that much to me.
One day, when I've been here for many years
We'll look back on the days when I didn't know
The traffic I've witnessed isn't always bad
And laugh at my uncertainty further down the road
People might think I'd be crazy to move here
And whether I am may or may not be true
And though I still approach this town with a hint of fear
I'd still learn to adapt just for you
You mean that much to me.
One day, when I've been here for many years
We'll look back on the days when I didn't know
The traffic I've witnessed isn't always bad
And laugh at my uncertainty further down the road
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15. |
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Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
I got a beat that'll get stuck in your head
I got plenty of dough, but only in the form of bread
I got tunes that flow in line just like a train
And lyrics so weird that they'll stupefy your brain
I got a mouth that speaks like it's on coffee
And a mind that no one dares to copy
And everyone knows that my music is def,
Okay, maybe it makes some people wish they was deaf
I got the sound that will make you dance
I've talked to millions of girls, all bothersome ants
I was raging war with, then went on a spraying spree
'Cause no one fends off haters better than me!
I take music, an art that's always immortal,
Add some humor that's warped like the action through portals
You will be astounded by the lunacy
And maybe draw influence, but you'll never be me!
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
I'm a unique blend, ain't no mistakin'
Try to mix my ingredients, you obviously fakin'
Unless you're an exact duplicate of myself,
At which point, we should all fear for our mental health
I'm proud of who I am, and it isn't you
So if you keep tryin' to do what I do
You may find yourself in obscurity
'Cause no one can be me better than me
But so I don't come across as an arrogant prick
I gotta remind you of your own unique tricks
To which nothing I can do will compare
Just so you're not left in complete despair
But still, to myself, I gotta stay proud
As that's what apparently pleases the crowds
But too much over-confidence I gotta suppress
So that I'm not portrayed negatively by the press!
Only I'm the real me, I hope you got that
I don't wanna see you tryin' to be a copycat
I keep it real, that makes me cool
Once you become a poser, you become a fool
But remember, I'm not a better person overall
And to claim to be so would take a lot of gall
So if you wanna feel like you're as good as me
Start doin' what's your own freakin' specialty!
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't Do It Like Me
Do It Like You, Do It Like You,
Do It Like You, 'Cuz You Can't...
(Ian):
What's that kid, you think this is easy?
But there's no way you're as awesome as me!
Me and my crew don't kick it like you
Got so much cash, I own 38 pairs of shoes!
Got a girl on each arm whenever I play a gig
My bulldog is small but my car is so big
You get this? You dig? Do you understand?
I know this rap game like the back of my hand
My success was all planned, carefully orchestrated
I can't count all the supermodels that I have dated!
I'm living the life you only wish that you had
No one can compete with this level of swag
I'm livin' in riches, you're dressin' in rags
Got a *golden* spoon, cause on silver I gag
While you're having nightmares, I'm living the dream
And I clearly don't have issues with my self esteem
(D): Yo man, what'cha doin'? Are you tryin' to make a mess
Of the minds society thrusts on us to impress?
Showing these kids they're important too is our job
Because no one wants to follow a self-centered snob
(I): No, you're wrong, they follow me by their own free will
Because I draw them in with my unstoppable skills
People willingly rank me on top with the pimps,
So, how big's your army of motivational shrimps?
Those kids know I'm the definition of cool!
(D): Which you know means they're gonna emulate that in school
They'll act like they're on top because they're copying you
And then try to talk down to some muscly dude
Who'll break their limbs off and then have them repeatedly socked
(I): That's "survival of the fittest", and I've got it on lock!
Only I can be me, that's even what YOU said!
(D): So now you're making ME look hypocritical and brain dead?
(I): You did that yourself! I didn't even have to try,
Man, you look so embarassed, maybe run home and cry
To your mommy, proving yourself a big baby,
Just like all the other wannabes trying to play me
(D): Except that some of them might not even have a mom,
Or for that matter, anyone they can rely on
That could lead them to serious depression
And then, because of the economical recession
They won't be able to afford therapy
(I): Wait, what happened to rapping with comedy?
(D): Do you not think that it would hurt your pride
When there's a rise in the number of suicides?
And the media blames you and sends you backlash?
(I): Suicides? Are you serious? 'Cause I rap about cash?
Ok I admit it, I'm a horrible person!
Thank you for all of the sense that you are dispersin'
I guess I never really thought of it fully
That all my bragadoccio could make me a bully
But I got the point now, and the light I am seein'
So, shut up, Derwood! (D): Somebody Slap Ian!
(I): Well, that wasn't very nice. I'm sorry I said shut up. Pals?
|
||||
16. |
2012 Debunked
15:28
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|||
[I.Overture]
No one knows the hour or the day
-----------------------------------
[II.Creation of the Tzolkin and Haab]
The numbers 20 and 13
Our sacred numbers bring to being
A calendar to use as commonplace
But this is not a solar year
So in concurrence, as I feared,
Two calendars, why must we complicate?
We are the brains put in charge of our timeframes
And our cultural background makes things fail to work
We are the brains burdened badly by our timeframes
All because our Earth chose to be a jerk
Months of 20 put in place
Give us 360 days
This misalignment brought the demons' wrath
5 days where we must feel defeat
Make the solar year complete
The gods will punish us for crappy math
We are the brains put in charge of our timeframes
And our cultural background makes things fail to work
We are the brains burdened badly by our timeframes
All because our Earth chose to be a jerk
-----------------------------------
[III.Long Count Calendar, Mushrooms, and Revelation]
We have a Long Count calendar
We can use it, to track history
It's got not many uses beyond that
A break for lunch sounds good to me
Two mushrooms for appetizers
A couple more left on my plate
I think that they're talking to me
About the world, and its sealed fate
I'm sorry that I ate your brothers
I'll go share this prophecy
Send my regards to your family
The people must hear this from me
-----------------------------------
[IV.Presentation and Dismissal of Prophecies]
I know this sounds unusual
Let's make it understood
That I heard it from the oracles
Of the mushrooms in the woods
I have an exact date
When the planets will form a line
We could be in for incredible change
Or maybe even the end times
Yes, we've heard it all before
But we question the source
The shrooms that made my brother see
A cow riding a horse
No need to fear, our would is fine
Enough with your jokes
And one more thing, mushrooms are food
They're not meant to be smoked
There's more than just the mushroom
I think there's a greater being
This message from an oracle
Just think what it could mean
Maybe a pole reversal
Or we'll hit a black hole
There could be a spiritual transformation
That changes the world as a whole
Don't annoy us further
Oh, this crap's below our rank
Take it to the scientists
They'll give it to you frank
No one that year will fill with fear
They'll tell you on the spot
Forget about your theory
Your shrooms have gone to pot
-----------------------------------
[V.Media overdose of fear]
I plopped my butt down to watch TV
The end of times, they're telling me
Is coming soon, they say it's fact
Kids: How will they react?
The kids will now drop out of school
To go do things they think are cool
Since there's no time for heart attacks
Try mixing bacon, snuff, and crack
Rob their favorite place to shop
Then try to run it past all the cops
It's pointless to lock me up here
'Cause we'll be dead within this year
Wishing this crap world would end
This final countdown they'll pretend
Is the real deal, so they'll declare
Let's trash our lives without a care
I can't wait to see how they feel
Come next year!
-----------------------------------
[VI.People who gave up schooling to find out the prophecy failed need brains]
The year is 2013
I can't believe I'm not dead
I'm locked up with insanity
I make out with my bed
My crazed mind thinks that my blanket
Is made up of TP
Just think that I could not be stopped
If I saw this was a flop
I don't think I can return
Can return to a normal human life
I've rotted away all my intelligence
I'm desperate... for BRAINS!!!!!!
-----------------------------------
[VII.Zombie Apocalypse]
(ongoing various collage of zombies yelling "BRAINS!!!!!")
(dumb guy): Huhuhuhuh, zombies all walked away from me. Huhuhuhu. That means I... that means I... uh... uh... (long pause) BRAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNNSSSS!!!!!!!!!
|
Derwood Bowen Columbus, Ohio
Music in a fairly wide array of genres, with my own unusual sense of humor thrown in. I mainly make music for the purpose of entertaining people.
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