Announcer: I'm here with the winner of the trademark named race 500! So, how does it feel?
Winner: Well, I'm pumped, let me tell you. I think I've earned enough to fill up my gas tank, hopefully. But emotionally, it was exciting. You would think that driving around in circles for hours on end would seem boring, but the goal of trying to finish so many laps before snyyone else, plus the incredibly high speeds, and having the competition and looking out for the other drivers, it really adds to the excitement of driving, you know? Those that have not driven cars in a professional race would not truly understand how it felt. It's a dangerous thing, but if you know how to do it right, generally you come out of it with a really good feeling. I probably still would've had that feeling if I had finished 2nd, or 3rd, or 10th, or something. But being in first has an even greater feeling, knowing you have accomplished something that only one person can claim to have accomplished per race, and I feel incredibly lucky to have been the one to be able to pull it off.
The race is done, somebody's won
We'll find out who's in the top few just for fun
Now I've seen the names of those that earned their fame,
But why interview them all? I think it's pretty lame!
Get the winner, that's cool, and maybe number two,
But going through the whole list will get you nothing new
'Cause every single guy who finished behind
Will just say they wish they were first across the line!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
Announcer: And for those of you just tuning in, here's a summary of what just happened in the race. You see this clip from lap 13, the cars are driving. And you see this clip from lap 48, the cars are making the turn. In this clip, someone's at the pit stop. In this clip from lap 134, more driving. And here you see a flat tire being replaced. And here you see from lap 322, someone ran the windshield wiper to remove a flower petal from off the windshield. And here you see the drivers going across the finish line, completing their final lap.
Come on, let's go! I wanna see my show!
Don't tell me there's another 90 drivers left to go!
They either won't give a crap, or wish they weren't so bad,
Either way there's no shocking opinion that they'll have!
Why can't you just end it? You don't need to extend it!
My luck, the show I want will come on at the closing credits.
If you want them interviewed, then go for it, dude,
And for the few that wanna watch, post it on YouTube! (yeah)
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
Announcer: I'm now interviewing the person that finished dead last. So, what made you decide to try to do this race riding on a cow?
Last Placer: I'm just trying to milk it for what it's worth
Announcer: Do they even allow cows in a car based race?
Last Placer: Well, rather than stir up a mad cow, they figured it'd be for the butter that they let me in.
Announcer: Just so you know, those puns were an epic fail!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
None of us care! None of us care!
Put the scheduled show on the air!
credits
from Throwbacks,
released November 20, 2014
Featuring Matt Blaha as the guy who finished first, Midge Ramone as the girl who finished last, and DarkNES of the Gothsicles on the chorus
