How To Win The Election

from Throwbacks by Derwood Bowen

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lyrics

When the elections come around, many politicians will talk about what what they will do when they become President. However, we live in a time where everyone believes that all politicians are compulsive liars trying to sound like they're doing good, so I came up with this idea that if you run a campaign speech with complete absurdities, people will believe the opposite of what you say, think you're actually going to make sense as President, and vote for you. For example:

I'm a morally bankrupt person running for President. In order to cure the unemployment problem, I hope to lower the minimum wage so corporations can afford to hire more people without losing out on the money they need to stay ahead of the game. I do approve of us having a more green environment, so I'm going to issue a law that all rocks, trees, roads, playgrounds, benches, anything that isn't green to be painted with green paint, even if it involves having to stick dynamite in a green paint bucket and blowing it up. I know everyone wants the wars to end, so I'm sending Marvin the Martian to Mars to blow up the Earth entirely. This way, there will be nothing bad left on the Earth, as there will be no Earth. Which, consequently, cures the non-green environment and economic imbalance, and all other problems, so it'll be better for everyone.

I'm Derwood Bowen, and I approve this satire.