Ladies and gentlemen running Facebook, I have called this meeting together so that I can talk about the new changes I have in store for Facebook. So, let's begin...

First of all, a little rearranging is in order
'Cause it's been a few months since we had our last makeover
Yes, I realize, most our users will be quite upset
'Cause they can't stand some changes messing with their fragile heads
Despite the fact there's logic into all of my decrees
Though I don't have an interior decoration degree
I figured out what aspects of my site are used the most
So here's the new layout I'm about to have proposed
People don't read the feeds of people at random
They go straight for their lists for who they want to read from
So why not put a menu with the options in the center
So their browsing will be quicker, easier, and better
More time to comment or get games in full swing
And of course, new styles aren't an optional thing
All our users have been decent at being good sports,
So what's wrong with a superior layout being forced?
Plain text updates will have their own category,
Separated from links or game update stories,
And charts with boxes you can check will let you choose
Who and what with who you want to see with the news
Now that my layout plans are done, it's time to expand
Adding other features is the next issue at hand
So that with our next update we can give them more,
So this is the part where you guys take the floor.

So, what do you wanna see? Let's hear all your creative ideas!

(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Yeah, great idea, let's keep 'em all comin'
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
You said that already! Come on, what else, something?
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Come on, I know you got way more ideas than that!
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Alright, I'm taking over our Facebook chat!

I realize there are times when one is in need
But if you go to YouTube, you can see where it leads
It's an easy method for anonymous hate
For any rep-conscious troll, it's an easy gate
Imagine how negative our site would appear
If we allowed dislikes to be a feature here
A high dislike count could make people ashamed
To like the things they really like, and could they be blamed?
And what about changed relationship updates?
If person A's new partner is someone person C hates
Or if person A was person C's crush
The dislike button would allow way too much
It's bad enough we can like when someone's changed to single
Dislike buttons'll cause problems with which we shouldn't mingle
Sure it's easy to comment when someone gets heated
But unlike likes, comments can be deleted!

Take time to process this information...
Got it? Good. Moving on...

More features and expansions are what we need
In order to keep our users appeased
So, I have some ideas for what we can do
And I'd like to give you all a brief overview
First of all, too many sites have been spared
From our handy little button which lets you share
Users can link each other their favorite songs
Or what games they played and scored high on
But it's not enough, and we can't leave it alone,
They can't share that they added balance to their prepaid phone
Or did their tax returns or banking online
So let's offer those options up for next time
Because people like learning what their friends' lives entail
By reading their news feeds for every detail
So users should be allowed to share where they stick their nose
Except their favorite porn sites, we don't need to know about those
Next thing to fix is the ads on the side
Not everyone's single needing a boost to their pride
They can't be all about meeting sexy girls or cute hunks
Because you never know, some of our users could be monks
I know the ads are really balanced, and our statistics show this
But those are the only ones anyone has noticed
Even though the ads should line up with their interests
No one pays any mind, making companies profitless
So to amend this loss before a business is dead
Don't track their interests, track comments instead
For key phrases like "could use" or "want,"
Then use that to determine the ads on the front
Of their page, and those would more quickly catch their eye
Because a normal ad they would all pass by
But something as abstract as a spider bathroom stall
Would get them interested, if they wrote about that on their wall
These ads would get far more users interested,
Even if this stuff still has yet to be invented
Worthwhile income is a user's click away,
Inventing these will be up to them some other day.
One more thing, remember the days
When Superpoke was a really huge craze?
Doing nothing more than poking can be a bore
Let's revive superpoke, have more options in store
Have the usual, hug, tickle, or add more
Like whack in the head with a 2 by 4
With an explanation box as a handy tool
Because a whack in the head with no reason is cruel.

Okay, I've brought forward ideas, maybe you guys have thought of others. So, what do you all think we should work on first?

(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
I meant out of the ideas *I* had in mind
(DISLIKE BUTTON! DISLIKE BUTTON!)
Okay, well, this meeting was a waste of time.

So, you know what, you all go on doing what you've been doing to maintain the site as it is, I'm gonna go work on a like button for likes. Yeah, liking comments wasn't enough. I can't wait for it, "You like that Mark Zuckerburg likes this." Oh yeah, it can be an endless spiral, we'll get used endlessly, I can see it now!