Blaming The Wrong Person

from Ace Of All Trades by Derwood Bowen

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lyrics

Ordered a pizza the other night
They said delivery would be a 30 minute wait
Sitting impatiently in my house
Dude shows up at my door 45 minutes late
Says there was an accident
Backed up traffic for 5 blocks and he got stuck
But you're the one standing there with my old, cold pizza
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU INCOMPETENT SCHMUCK!!!!!

Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!

My boss at the office gave me hell
Because I was late getting one of my reports in
I told him of the many sales calls on my plate
And how the secretary could've done more than testing pens!
I showed up late the next day
With my boss explaining why that's unacceptable
Well my roommate failed to remind me
To set my alarm, IT'S HIS FAULT HE'S IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!!

Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!

Blaming the wrong…. Oh crap, I was only supposed to sing that four times, I got distracted. Well…. It was this girl that was dancing in minimal clothing that distracted me! I know what you're saying, it's not her fault she was distracting you, it's your fault for not closing your browser!

Verizon hacked my phone!
I swear they frickin did!
I would never watch that,
I got a girlfriend with kids!
I think their manager
Is jealous I'm not with her
She's seeking vengeance on me
By getting drama stirred!

Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!

I swallowed my juice wrong and nearly choked.
BLAME THE MANUFACTURERS FOR NOT HAVING A WARNING LABEL SAYING THAT COULD HAPPEN!

I was walking to the store and got rained on.
BLAME THE MAYOR FOR NOT PUTTING SOME KIND OF CANOPY OVER THE ENTIRE CITY!

I wasn't looking when I pulled into a parking spot at the grocery store and crashed my car into a cart corral!
THE MANAGERS NEED TO GET RID OF THOSE THINGS AND KEEP ALL THE CARTS IN THE STORE!

All the problems in this country.
Prices too high. Crime too high. People can't agree on their opinions.
BLAME THE PRESIDENT!
BLAME THE PRESIDENT!
BLAME THE PRESIDENT!
Unless you voted for the president, in which case, blame the candidate that lost for seeking retribution!

Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong person!
Blaming the wrong…. Why did the music stop? There was supposed to still be music going! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT… ERRR, MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY!!!!! Somehow… it's your fault. First illogical scapegoat I could think of!