An improvised sketch featuring Brandon Blaha as the first complainer, Todd Blaha running the Complaint Department, and Matt Blaha being the second complainer (aka the first complainer's brother).
lyrics
Waitor: Here's your food, sir.
Customer #1: Thank you. (munches a little food) Wait a minute... something's wrong... Better go to the complaint department.
(at the complaint department)
Customer #1: Hello, sir. Yeah, my food's half eaten and rotting!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Can I help you?
Customer #1: Yes! My hot dog is half-eaten and my salad is rotting!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Let me take a look... I don't see anything wrong here!
Customer #1: Do you see the hot dog? It is BITTEN! You guys got this out of the garbage, didn't you?
Complaint Dept. Guy: I don't see the problem!
Customer #1: The salad is rotting!
Complaint Dept. Guy: So what?
Customer #1: That's a big problem! I'm not gonna eat this rotten food!
Complaint Dept. Guy: EAT IT!
Customer #1: How about YOU eat it?
Complaint Dept. Guy: No!
Customer #1: Why?
Complaint Dept. Guy: No!
Customer #1: Why?
Complaint Dept. Guy: No!
Customer #1: Come on, just take a bite out of the salad and tell me it's not rotting!
Complaint Dept. Guy: No, and if you keep on harassing me, I'm gonna call the cops on you, you hooligan!
Customer #1: This is the COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT! I am complaining about the food that is BAD!
Complaint Dept. Guy: If you have a valid complaint, please point it out, otherwise, SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR FOOD!!!!
Customer #1: This IS valid! The food is ROTTING!
Complaint Dept. Guy: No.
Customer #1: Take a bite.
Complaint Dept. Guy: No.
Customer #1: Take a bite.
Complaint Dept. Guy: No.
Customer #1: Come on, I'll pay you.
Complaint Dept. Guy: No, and I don't take bribes!
Customer #1: Oh, come on, just this once, 100 bucks?
Complaint Dept. Guy: No!
Customer #1: 20 bucks?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Get out of here, sir, before I have to call on security!
Customer #1: Fine! I'm never coming back to this restaurant, and I'm gonna sue you!
*customer #1 leaves, customer #2 comes in*
Customer #2: Hey, you know that guy that just complained?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Yeah.
Customer #2: He's my BROTHER!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Complaint Department! Can I help you?
Customer #2: Yeah, actually you can. You know what you did? You gave him rotten food... and then you said it wasn't a valid complaint!
Complaint Dept. Guy: That shrimp? That wasn't a valid complaint!
Customer #2: WHAT? I know he doesn't have valid... you know... complaining skills, but COME ON! His food's rotten, have you tasted his food?
Complaint Dept. Guy: I don't need to, it's not a valid complaint!
Customer #2: Didn't you see cockroaches coming out of it?
Complaint Dept. Guy: I didn't see anything, sir!
Customer #2: They were eating his food! What th... COME ON!
Complaint Dept. Guy: If you have a valid complaint, please state it, otherwise, GO!
Customer #2: Okay, I got a valid complaint, and you know what it is? The food... was ROT-TING! (slowly) No one could eat it without getting sick!
Complaint Dept. Guy: What, your toe's rotten?
Customer #2: (still slowly) NO! His FOOD'S ROT-TING!
Complaint Dept. Guy: You wanna eat your rotten toe, WHAT THE HECK?
Customer #2: No, you stupid fool! Can't you hear anything?
Complaint Dept. Guy: I like fish!
Customer #2: I didn't ask... that kind of question! I don't CARE that you like fish!
Complaint Dept. Guy: RAINBOWS ARE SWEET!
Customer #2: I bet you eat ROTTEN fish, with COCKROACHES coming out, oh wait, no you don't, you just SERVE them!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Complaint Department! Can I help you?
Customer #2: YES! CAN WE GET SOME FRESH FOOD OVER HERE?!
Complaint Dept. Guy: When you have a valid complaint, please state it...
Customer #2: I HAVE A VALID COMPLAINT, DON'T I? I HAVE ONE! FOOD! ROTTING! WHAT'S NOT VALID ABOUT... *multiple exhilirated gasps*
Complaint Dept. Guy: Not a valid complaint.
Customer #2: WHAT IS A VALID COMPLAINT?
Complaint Dept. Guy: My shoes are dirty, sir.
Customer #2: THAT'S a valid complaint?
Complaint Dept. Guy: I like spiddlesticks!
Customer #2: EAT SPATULA AND DIE, SPIDDLESTICK!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Would you like fries with that?
Customer #2: NO, I DO NOT WANT YOUR ROTTING FRIES, UNLESS THEY'RE NOT ROTTING! ARE THEY NOT ROTTING?
Complaint Dept. Guy: You look a little pale, sir. Can I offer you a moist towlette?
Customer #2: NO! AND THE ONE YOU'RE HOLDING IS DIRTY, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Oh, the sky's up.
Customer #2: WHAT? How is that relevant?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Whooooooaaaa... I feel dizzy dude!
Customer #2: What are you on?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Don't spit at me again, sir!
Customer #2: What the... I'm not spitting!
Complaint Dept. Guy: I'm gonna have to call security!
Customer #2: I'M gonna have to call security, and I'm gonna have to speak to your MANAGER, and I'm gonna have to get you FIRED!!!!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Manager here.
Customer #2: WHAT? Oh, you gotta be kidding me! You should fire yourself! You SUCK! I've gotten POOR SERVICE, the food's AWFUL, and you SUCK!
Complaint Dept. Guy: I'm gonna have to kick you out sir, you're disrupting my restaurant.
Customer #2: I'm NOT LEAVING! Until I get some QUALITY FOOD!
Complaint Dept. Guy: SECURITY! SECURITY!!!!
Customer #2: I don't SEE any security, BUB! NO SECURITY, NONE! That's just like your CRAPPY PLACE, you have CRAPPY SECURITY!!!!!!!
Security Guard: Security here.
Customer #2: What?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Take this man outta here, get him outta my restaurant!
Security Guard: What's he doing?
Customer #2: I JUST WANNA GET...
Complaint Dept. Guy: HE'S BEING DISRUPTIVE!
Security Guard: Whatever.
Customer #2: HA! There goes your security!
Complaint Dept. Guy: YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!
Customer #2: You should fire yourself, for doing such a POOR JOB!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Rainbows are SWEET!
Customer #2: WHAT ARE YOU ON?
Complaint Dept. Guy: WHOA, my hand's FLOPPY, heh heh heh...
Customer #2: Wait, I got a question, is there ANY good food around here?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Why don't you try... our BURGERS!
Complaint Dept. Guy: I'm not at liberty to discuss this matter.
Customer #2: Wow, you can't even lie. You don't even lie, you just, you can't even lie about this, can you?
Complaint Dept. Guy: You need to get outta here, sir.
Customer #2: YOU need to get outta here!
Complaint Dept. Guy: You're way outta line.
Customer #2: I need to get over there and get some FRESH FOOD!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Eat your cockroach eggs and be quiet!
Customer #2: WHAT?! COCKROACH EGGS?! WHAT?! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? With those, you don't eat those!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Then lick them!
Customer #2: WHAT?! Just because you don't EAT them doesn't mean you LICK them! Basically the same thing!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Whoa, I didn't know I had two feet!
Security Guard: Security here, can you keep it down, I'm trying to sleep. Thank you.
Customer #2: No, come back, I want you to get this guy fired!
Complaint Dept. Guy: I thought I told you you were FIRED!
Customer #1: Second in command to security, sir. What's the problem?
Complaint Dept. Guy: You're fired too!
Customer #1: WHAT? I did nothing wrong! By the way, there's a burger joint, doesn't have rotting food, down the street.
Complaint Dept. Guy: You're just this guy's little brother!
Customer #1: No I'm not!
Customer #2: You know what? You suck, and I'm leaving!
Complaint Dept. Guy: Whoa, I have a watch!
Customer #2: Guess what! You have no customers!
Complaint Dept. Guy: COOL, it's like 10 million o'clock!
Customer #2: Are you serious?
Complaint Dept. Guy: Hey! Whoa... dude... colors are coming everywhere... Hello, complaint department! Can I help you? Why are you walking away? Come back! Tell your friends!
Customer #2: NO! I'M GONNA TELL 'EM NOT TO COME!!!!!
