Monster In The Closet

from Lightbulb-Eating Selfie by Derwood Bowen

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lyrics

I'm a green monster (with two claws on my head)
And orange spots all over me
Little boy's sleeping (or at least trying to)
He's as scared as he can be

He assumes I'm going to eat him
But that's not my job
I get paid to sit in childrens' closets and nap
I think I'm being robbed

I'm a grown monster (capable of so much more)
Like destroying cities
But I'm stuck here (with some random kid)
My life ain't too pretty

I'm getting offered a pitiful raise
To move to under his bed
My boss thinks I should be grateful for this
But so much runs through my head

Back in monster land, rumors get out of hand
The emotional pain would not subside
I would get no mercy due to controversy
All because a young boy cried...

"Mommy! The monster came out of the closet!"

(Really scary monsterous "ROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR")

2-If you came out of the closet, shouldn't that be more like (gay sounding "raahhr")
1-It's a physical closet I moved out of!
2-Why does that matter?
3-Really, why does that matter?
2-That makes him weird!
3-True, we monsters don't have orientations.
1-Who cares about how I'm supposedly supposed to be...

(monsters ensue in an unintelligible squabble)